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All too often, we gays neglect the importance of our own history, forgetting the significant social, political and religious struggles our forefathers and foremothers endured to make today a better tomorrow. But what comes next? Well, here’s a glimpse into our own crystal visions of the future of LGBTQ history.

2010: First lesbian softball team runs for public office.

2021: Celebrity scandal! Gore Vidal caught poolside with young stud!

2033: First Tampax commercial to show two men kissing airs on prime-time TV.

2042: Stonewall 2.

2050: Melissa Etheridge resigns as Attorney General Janet Reno.

2067: First gay on the moon.

2078: First gay on Uranus.

2082: Statue of Liberty gets cold; AIDS quilt to the rescue!

2096: Another lesbian wins Wimbledon.

2104: Scientists isolate “gay gene,” quickly send it to Christian counseling.

2111: First all-S/M police brigade hits the streets, and each other.

2119: I should never have gotten those highlights.

2125: Lesbians unite!

2140: First gay president declines post, “Too much hand-holding, not enough action!”

2156: Stonewalls 3 through 7.

2169: Gays finally make first-and-a-half class citizens.

2177: Dinah Shore ‘77 blasts into space!

2180: First tranny-elected Pope.

2188: Cure for the common cold discovered; AIDS research still underfunded.

2193: Gay robot rebellion begins.

2194: Hand jobs still awesome!

2213: Madonna dies, reinvents herself as a crime-fighting android.

2221: Gay marriage legalized in all 50 states!

2222: Nuclear annihilation.

Love,

Emma & John, Breeders Digest