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A wise lesbian once said that lesbians will watch anything just to see themselves represented. And, quite frankly, I have to admit that this is true. In fact, this kind of indiscriminate enthusiasm is the very essence of most forms of lesbianism.

As a tribe, we can make an event (or a dreamcatcher) out of almost anything, and we show up in droves at the mere hint of a lesbian art opening, poetry reading or peace treaty, wholly regardless of the quality of said works of art. Truth be told, we're starving for what we wide-eyed and optimistically refer to as "realistic lesbian representations" in mainstream media. Hey, we'll buy a ticket to anything as long as it (like my high school gym teacher) emits the sweet, husky odor of implied lesbianism.

Let’s cuddle up on the couch with my five dogs for a bird’s-eye view of some of the lesbian classics of the '90s, as seen through the eyes of my vague lesbian memory of my vague lesbian youth.

Go Fish (1990)

I went fishing soon after coming out (when my parents tried to de-gay me with a Christian counselor way up on Indianapolis’ affluent Northside) and look at the whopper I reeled in: a politically correct, diversely cast narrative culminating in an awkward butch haircut for one of its white protagonists! Little known secret: Eve Ensler got her entire “monologue gimmick” from this film of unending black-and-white monologues. She just had the good sense to slap a vagina in front! Thanks to director Rose Troche for kicking off the '90s, our golden era of lesbian schlock!

Louise Brooks in her final role.

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

Do you hate that grunge-era photograph of yourself that keeps floating around on Facebook? Well, watching this film will help you come to terms with the star-crossed romance that nearly destroyed you in high school. At least you didn’t look as gay as the movie's heroine (or did you?)(because I did)(or so said my senior superlative). Way to go, everybody. I forget what happens at the beginning, middle and end of this film, but at least we can congratulate ourselves at having complex interracial romances by the time we were 14… and it’s all thanks to being LESBIAN.

Bound (1996)

I’ve honestly seen this film 50 times, and it only gets