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The L Word Recap 604: Mystery Science Snoozefest 3000

The L Word Recap 604: Mystery Science Snoozefest 3000

“There’s no escaping it,” begins Max, at The Planet with Tom, Alice and Tasha. Is he referring to his knocked up-ness? No. He’s talking about Shenny. Tom: “At least here we don’t have to put up with squirrel grunts and monkey squeals.” Oddly enough, that is precisely how one imagines Jenny Schecter sounds mid-bang.

Excited that Tasha is “gossiping” with the group, Alice cheerily announces that they’re developing similar interests. Yeah, she’s grasping at straws the size of Texas. Something’s up.

Jenny and Shane arrive and, from the moment she opens her mouth, every word that drips forth from the maw of the Schecter beast makes me want to throw something at her. (Must be Sunday.) "How is the beautiful mother-to-be?” she croons. Max flips her off and Tom patiently explains that Max doesn’t care to be referred to as a “mother.” Jenny continues to display an appalling lack of sensitivity, referring to Max as a woman and “she.” Max leaves the table in a huff and Tom follows him.

Max cries in the bathroom, unwilling to be consoled by Babydaddy. Max: “I hate these hormones! I hate these tits and I hate these hips and I hate Jenny Schecter!” Suspect of the week quota? Filled! (I hope next week’s teaser features Sounder and Angie colluding to do Jenny in!)

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At the table, Bette and Tina have arrived and we learn they’re going to Nevada to meet a birth mother about an adoption. Jenny has “an epiphany” about who stole the Lez Girls negative: gazillionaire William. For insurance scam purposes. Riiiight. Kelly Wentworth arrives and Bette leaves to meet with her. Alice continues to make a big deal out of Tasha’s involvement in the conversation; it’s condescending and weird. Kit reveals to the gang that Bette “almost killed herself” over Kelly back at Yale. Tina freaks. And to top it all off? Dylan shows up… having tricked her way into a meeting with Tina using a false name to make the appointment.

Max and Tom arrive at a swanky hotel for Lamaze class. Tom is embarrassed when Max takes off his binder in the lobby. In class, the two of them are uncomfortable, but don’t seem to be attracting much attention. But when the teacher demonstrates a vaginal massage technique on a life-size replica of a hoo-ha, Tom looks about ready to bolt.

Kelly strokes Bette’s ego