Do you miss your fanny pack? Did your femme girlfriend secrectly throw it out while you were at kickball practice? Schitbag, made by LaSchitte Designs, might be the answer to your form over function dilemma.
Looks to me like a high end version of that utilitarian, gender-free, hands-free, lesbian fashion staple, the fanny pack. And judging from the description on the site, it's tailor-made for the dyke on the go:
Two front pockets provide quick, easy access to frequently used items. A cell phone effortlessly slips in and out of a convenient front pocket. Another pocket, which closes with a magnetic snap, has a slot for driver’s license and credit cards, and can also hold keys and lipstick. And all the while, your hands are FREE. Schitbag™ represents the ultimate combination of beauty, form and function. And by leaving the hands and shoulders free, it becomes a natural asset instead of an appendage.
But I still have to ask... would you actually carry something called a Schitbag?