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signs about sex—could you grab some dirt on how Bette does it? We forget, and we’d like to be reminded. Cause really, when was the last time we actually saw Bette have sex?

Apparently Jodi doesn’t do it delicately. She only does it hard and rough, no teddy bear required. Careful there interpreter man, you might miss some vital signs while checkin’ in on Max during Jodi’s interview. And here’s a crazy idea: why don’t we give interpreter man a name? If he starts dating Max—what will Max call him? Or is he like a superhero and everyone will just start calling him “interpreter man?”

Tasha, why are you going back to that prick who wouldn’t help you before? I know he was assigned to your case-but Chapter 15 is the least of your worries, if you’re defense is really going to leave you defense-less. I want to applaud Rose Rollins who gives one HELL of a performance this episode. She’s so convincing and honest in this character that I actually believe in the army. No matter what happens, Tash, you’ve got this watchers interest in spades.

Max made a podcast! And I for one can’t wait to see what it’s all about. Hopefully it will address the issues that Max brought up in episode one of this season, about some members of the Queer community are overlooked and under-represented in the media. At least that’s the kind of podcast I would make. If only someone other than “Hi my name is Shane and I’m a sex-a-holic who’s going through withdrawal” would watch it.

And in other monumental news, Bette let Jodi drive! Will wonders never cease! The two of them travel to Big Bear to meet several of Jodi’s friends, even if Jodi had to bully Bette into going. Seems like Jodi’s friends have a different version of fun than Bette. Poor Bette’s a little too prudy for this mojito guzzling, football playing crowd. Nothing says fun more than being thrown into a lake huh Bette? For the record I’m with you Porter—I thought Jodi’s friends were butts too. “Butts” by the way, is the technical definition for overbearing assholes. Seriously, I looked it up.

Who is this mystery visitor interrupting puzzle time between Helena and Dusty? It’s Mummy! That’s right, Mummy dearest returns from the magical treasure hunt where she just had to find a (wait for it) dinosaur foot. Yea that’s so much more important than her daughter being in jail. We all totally understand (I’m being sarcastic, in case you were confused.) But we finally see that Helena comes by her self-importance honestly, quite the show Mummy dearest puts on, doesn’t she? Throw enough money about and the “little people” will kowtow is that how it works?

Say goodbye to everyone at the planet Helena, Mummy may think you’re going to hide out in Europe with her, but Shane and you know that you’ll be making a break for it to go hide out for real with your puzzle piece, your daddy Dusty. And Oh, all that money where you suddenly remember where you put. Just remember that running away won’t make you your own women, it’ll just take you somewhere else. Send me a postcard from wherever you go Miss Peabody, I’ll miss you.

Shane, how is the celibacy going? Learned any new words while mediating on something other than hot ass and breasts, pumping iron, prioritizing you life and filling out insurance claims. Gee, I don’t know about you, but when I’m not having sex I’m not nearly that productive. Good for you Shane! I’ve got my fingers crossed that this celibate streak cures you of all your pimp-ness. Ok, maybe not all your pimp-ness. Some of us like a little pimp, I know I do.

HOLD UP (pun intended) where was all that Prison knowledge from last episode when you were getting robbed at Gun point Kit! Don’t worry little sis is on her way. You just get some sleep on Bette’s couch and think of ways to access your foxy brown-ness.

Special congratulations to Shane who made it a whole television hour without having sex with anyone. Now, you’ve proven your point, so could you go back to mackin’ it with the ladies now, so I have something to aspire to? Thanks J