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What’s a queer lady to do with this week’s episode of Glee? I wanted to love it. I tried to love it. There were a couple of minutes there that were sweet and fierce and brave and glorious. But there was also around 35 other minutes of straight dudes telling gay girls how to be gay, straight dudes murdering amazing girlpower songs, and straight dudes blocking the only gay girl kiss from the camera with their big, stupid Jewfro.

…On the cheek. Really, Glee writers? You were the ones who decided to title the episode I KISSED A FREAKING GIRL. Why hast thou forsaken us, Grilled Cheezus? It’s real sweet that Finn doesn’t want Santana to hide any of her awesomeness because he looked up the It Gets Better Project and now he wants to be the big straight boy studmuffin hero and rescue all the gays from their sadness. But guess what, Frankenteen? You are the one who outed her, and she is the one who got in trouble for it. You are the one who is now telling her how to be gay, and you are the one who is making her want to kill herself right now by crooning the world’s worst cover of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” in her face. I’d cry too.

But even then, I still held on to the hope that after the boys had their say, Brittany and Santana would have some serious face time—as in, face-sucking time—and all would be right with the world. Maybe Brittany would sing something to Santana (y’know, her girlfriend) after Puck, Finn and Artie had all gotten their lesbian music fix, and Kurt and Blaine got another fantastic P!NK duet. But no, all the girls get to sing is Katy Perry. And the only spoken line Brittany got out of this whole episode was, “vote for me and I’ll give you Pixie Stix.” Are there by any chance a few dementors on loan from Azkiban to the McKinley High auditorium this week? Because I am definitely getting that “all hope being sucked from the world” feeling.

Don’t go swallowing any Drano just yet, Santana—there is still some awesomeness in store for you here, despite the dangerous levels of misogynist crap you must swim through to reach it. First, it was indeed gaysharktastic