K.L.: The other night I was bartending and this lesbian couple came in. We started talking about lesbian bars, or lack thereof, in the city. NYC, that is.
Julia: That problem exists now everywhere.
K.L.: The louder one said she thought it was fucked up that all her straight male friends weren't allowed to come into certain girl parties with her.
K.L.: I said, "I beg to differ." The conversation progressed angrily, as any good angry lesbians would, at which point her girlfriend said, “She and I don't really do the girl scene.” I said, “What does that mean?” She said, “We don't go to gay bars, we don't listen to lesbian musicians, we don't read lesbian authors. All of our friends are straight.”
Amy: Ooooooh. That's where she lost me.
K.L.: Which is fine if that's the case, to each her own... BUT she said it with this kind of smug pride, as if to say, “We're above all that."
Julia: That's so weird to me that anyone could have that attitude.
K.L.: And I find that most lesbians who claim to entirely remove themselves from lesbian culture do have this sense of self-loathing pride. Like, pride in being non-lesbian lesbians.
Julia: But it's such a privileged stance to even be able to take, ON TOP of the obvious self-loathing stuff... If you don't feel the need for any kind of queer community you must be very comfortably assimilated into heteronormative life and mainstream culture...
Amy: When I first heard K.L. say she wanted to punch these lesbians who said they don't identify with lez culture, I thought of it from the perspective of... someone within the queer community who doesn't identify with a lot of "lesbian" things, which I can get with. Cuz there is a lot of L culture that I dismiss. BUT… Now that I know it's more like they're more straight than lesbian, that's a whole other story. I hate that.
K.L.: I know. But we're all at fault too. Sometimes I think that because we're all so butch/ femme, we tend to think that we're not a part of the whole Melissa Etheridge/hairy armpit/same outfit-wearing culture. But let's face it, we are. It's internalized homophobia.
Julia: I dunno. I kinda grew up a Melissa Etheridge/same outfit wearing dyke, and only later came into my femme