ThreeWay: Feeding Femmezy
Julia, Amy and K.L. continue where they left off in last week's ThreeWay Chat, pondering if and how internalized homophobia might play into femme identity.
K.L.: Is there any truth in the fact that we're all a little bit self-loathing as dykes, especially as ones who take pride in our femme identity?
Amy: Probably for some people.
Julia: I don't think that necessarily has to be true, but I'm sure it is for some folks.
Amy: I like to think that isn't me at all. Do you think that's true for you?
K.L.: To be honest, I get offended if people try to set me up with their clutch-carrying friend. I'm like, “Okay, NO.”
Julia: Ha.
Amy: If you aren't attracted to people just like you, that doesn't make you self-loathing.
She's just not that into you... but she might steal your super cute bag.
Julia: I don’t have that problem, because I still think femmes are sexy.
K.L.: Good point, both of you.
Amy: In fact, it's that I love myself too much to have my spotlight taken by some other greedy femme.
K.L.: Ha!
Julia: Hee, Amy.
K.L.: Exactly. I'd be like, “Way to apply the smoky eye better than me, bitch." Okay? Also, I don't want my gf borrowing my clothes and staining them. Or ripping them. Or just generally looking hotter than me in them.
Julia: I think in some ways my femmeness has almost made me a self-hating femme-on-femme-attracted dyke.
Amy: Anyways, I can see why some womyn in the lez community see femmes as self-loathing. They're wrong, but I can see where they're coming from. Julia, you just blew my mind.
Julia: Or at least, self-mocking. Because none of my femme friends really get it, and it seems to make them uncomfortable.
Amy: None of them get what? FoF?
Julia: Me being attracted sexually to other femmes.
K.L.: None of them get why.
Julia: Right.
K.L.: Exactly.
Julia: They're like... "Um... okay. Weird."
Amy: You already know this is something I'm working on right, Julia? You're my sponsor.
Julia: Yes, sponsee. And you have just completed your first step: admitting that you have a problem. Ha!
K.L.: Well, it's not the norm for most femmes who date butches.
Julia: Right. But since I'm happier in a relationship with a butch anyway, I just end up with these silly little schoolgirl crushes on femmes
Comments [33]
I think you have an important
I think you have an important point, should butches strap on theirs breast or not? what does femme prefers? Another question i wonder is what do you think about hairy legs?
NB- having hairy legs doesn't mean your not triming "up there" its not the same thing to resist a social obligation and to be polite with a woman you sleep with.
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Oh my sweet Pepe',
I'm guess I'm a bit naive.....
but, why would a woman 'strap' her breasts?
Robin was right with her
Robin was right with her explanation. I did it during my teen age but not anymore.
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I think Yonks just got her
I think Yonks just got her English a little confused and meant strapping them 'down'. ie; flattening them out to minimize their appearance.
None of my damn business if someone else wants to do it. I did once for a drag party and it was freaking uncomfortable. I also read that a few years back some folks collated scientific data from a whole bunch of different studies and that research showed a correlation between bra wearing for more than 8 hours per day and breast cancer. If holding the girls still could increase breast cancer risk imagine what flattening them out could do? Scary.
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Isn't it more a matter of
Isn't it more a matter of size? because thoses who don't wear bra all day doesn't need it.
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Plenty of studies have shown
Plenty of studies have shown that there is a correlation between size and cancer risk. This study that I'm referencing may well explain why. They theorized that it's a glandular thing since there are glands within the breasts and that the flow of (whatever those glands pump into our bodies) is constricted.
Edit: The study was about wearing bras more than 8 hours per day. Reason why I started taking mine off when I get home at night.
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no sound studies
My daughter's a PA in oncology. She said haven't been any valid studies showing a cause - effect relationship between bra wearing and breast cancer. I found these articles online:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MED/content/MED_6_1x_Underwire_Bras.asp
http://www.center4research.org/wmnshlth/2006/bra-cancer.html
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
The one I'm talking about did
The one I'm talking about did not get wide press release, practically ignored except in the free rag back in RI. And it wasn't a separate study as I said but rather some folks taking statistics from prior studies and collating them to come to some interesting conclusions. I don't recall everything they found but I do remember them telling the reporter that they felt studies should be done into their analysis to see if someone could prove or disprove what the numbers were showing.
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Its an interesting hypothesis
Its an interesting hypothesis that deserve to be dig further (especially if that involve boobs dancing and breathing freely
)
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It's all about the boobs,
It's all about the boobs, Yonks.
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Really?
LoL
I think its the first time i read "pancake" and "sex" in the same phrase.
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Top pic
I think that would have been my attitude, had anyone had the nerve to put me in a tu-tu as a child. The Easter dresses were hardship enough.
? ? ?
Why would having pride in one's femme identity be considered self loathing...
I'm very confused now.
Welcome to my world, lol
It's a world ruled by Chaos Theory, lol.
Since my wardrobe ranges from butch to femme (the former for work, the latter for play), if I have to go to the terminal for something on a day off, no one recognizes me, and vice versa.
Yet another way I keep them guessing, lol.
But, no matter how I dress, I always feel good about me. For me, that's what it's all about.
I think because it may be a
I think because it may be a way of 'passing'. Kind of like that movie- "Imitation of Life".
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passing
I would hope that's not true, Robin. But at one time or another most of my exes caught crap from other lesbians for "trying to pass." It was total BS. I can't imagine what it would be like to be a femme who has to constantly come out. Seems much easier being a 100-footer.
"When you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will." ~ Pollyanna
I don't know that that is it,
I don't know that that is it, just theorizing, but I'm sure there are plenty of lesbians out there who don't like being spotted at a hundred feet. There's so many different people with so many different attitudes that statistically speaking it's probably a given.
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Robin,
What do you mean by...... 'passing' ?
My understanding of the term...
... if I have the context right, is that one is appearing as something or someone they are not. It implies a perception of others that the one "passing" is living a lie, as opposed to just being who one is.
I want the couch... in her house. ;)
I want the artsy, slightly hippie-ish chick I envision creating the couch. Only she would probably burn insense, or pot, which would set me to gasping.
LMFAO!
That couch alone could cause one to go into therapy!
couch
I don't know, I kind of like it.
I wouldn't want it at my home, but I'm happy it exists. Would be cute in the dressing room at some funky boutique or something....
I'll admit...
... it has a way of attracting attention, lol. I don't think I noticed anything else in the pic!
I'm sorry but what is a
I'm sorry but what is a "clutch-carrying friend"?
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Skunky, the first pic at the
Skunky, the first pic at the beginning of the blog is a lady carrying a "clutch" style purse.
Thanks, i need some
Thanks, i need some vocabulary about femme's accessories.
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clutch
I assume the name comes from the fact that there's no strap, so you have to clutch (tenir fermement--for lack of a better translation) the bag rather than wear it. I think they're cute, but get annoyed when I actually have to carry it, so they aren't for me. I'm trying to do the opposite of what you're doing. I've been in Paris for six years and started studying French a decade ago, but fashion-related vocabulary still evades me. My sister (who actually cares about labels and such) couldn't believe I'd never actually been into any of the designer shops dotting Avenue Montaigne and the Champs-Elysées area. All about fashion, but the obsession with status-symbol brand names doesn't make sense to me....
I thought it was an
I thought it was an embrayage, but it wasn't make sens, then because of the last part "utch" I though it was a kind of neologisme with butch, but it doesn't make sens either.
Fashion is the kind of thing that really lost me, i'm not very visual, i used to dress very badly until kind peoples lecture me about certain colors or texture doesn't fit together. now i make effort but its a pain.
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LOL, some things do not translate easily
That would be a femme with a small purse, which has about the same effect at repelling some lesbians as wearing a crucifix does with vampires, lol.
LoL CMW Paging Muffy the
LoL CMW
Paging Muffy the Femme Attire Slayer...
This reminds me...
Not sure my comment has anything to do with your three-way discussion but reading this reminded me of my reaction when I once met some Vikings cheerleaders (NFL football) up close at a pre-season event. Those uber-femmed women scared me to death. Maybe it was something to do with the heavy make-up. Or maybe it was because they reminded me of dolls come to life. I'm sure I wasn't their demographic, in any case.
As I ponder this, I think I probably would like those women fine if I had a chance to meet them in some other circumstances.
Civility is not a sign of weakness.
Uber-femme, tff!
I actually had to do a television news article on our college's cheerleaders. Being surrounded by 18-20 year olds (I was in my 30's) who were, well, peppy and eager to do just about anything in front of a running camera (with their clothes on, of course), scared the crap out of me, almost as much as knowing their parents were watching, lol.
Now I deal with overweight, hairy, smelly, horny old men all the time.
I need to build a frackin' time machine!