There’s No Place Like Home
The search for my place in this world – my community and family – is one of the driving forces in my life. You see, I'm not involved with my family and, even when I was, I never felt like I belonged with them. I've also never really had a BFF or one primary clique of friends. I guess I'm poly when it comes to friendship. In school, I bounced between the athletes, the musicians and the smarties because I was all three. It's the same now, though the categories have shifted. I have my music biz pals, my spiritual buddies and my homo chums. Every now and then there are crossovers or interminglings, but not that many.
In the Indian Yogic tradition that I study, the word for community is sangham. There's another word, satsang, that means 'to keep company with the truth.' Keeping a community filled with good company is, therefore, a definite lodestar on the spiritual path. As we all well know, it's also an imperative in the queer world as many of us are family-less. Coming into the holiday season, that point becomes even more crystalline, as does my yearning for kinship.
Last week Moon asked me to write about Thanksgiving. Being a vegetarian who doesn't watch parades or football, I thought myself an odd choice. She suggested writing about spending the holiday with my queer family, to which I replied that I don't have one. And I don't, if you mean queer in the gay way and not just odd. Most of my friends are, in fact, straight. Many of them have young kids. As wonderful as it is being the token gay auntie, I definitely miss being in a tribe of homos.
Velvetpark has long been my main passport into that tribe, that blithesome sangham. Does it matter that we're primarily an online clan? Not at all. What matters is that we come together as a community and keep company with the truth – with our truth – by voicing our opinions, sharing our wisdom, talking about our experiences and supporting each other in our individual and collective journeys. By doing so, perhaps I – we – will finally find our place in this world. And maybe, just maybe it's this little patch of virtuality, this little park of velvet that we call home.
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Comments [32]
Yes, Tex, indeed a mountain
Yes, Tex, indeed a mountain woman...and appreciating the visual, so thanks for keeping me posted on the delicates of the day.
E...
Kelly, Did I say that I
Kelly,
Did I say that I don't do hope? I'm such a schizo sometimes. I must have been having a really shitty day. I know I have TRUST issues, but I usually hold out some sort of hope. I just try not to shout it too loudly, lest someone notice it flying about and shoot it full of buckshot.
I love that point,
I love that point, Snarky!
"That’s why I have never really felt that I “belong” to any group. I tend to think that I just share a “part” of me when interacting with any such groups, while at the same time staying true to myself."
That puts so many things into perspective for me right now. I'm having a bit of a problem "belonging" anywhere here in Chicago. Gracias for that point..
-Angie
Without passion I do not exist.
Lez, you are a mountain
Lez, you are a mountain woman? OMG, that's HOT!
And to break this site in correctly - both top and bottom - dark brown!
Loving the undies,
Tex
Twitter Time @kdhales
With my family members all
With my family members all dead, there are no longer family "sacrifices" or drunken blow-ups on my holidays. LIke you Kelly, I really appreciate this large on-line community and those I've come to know through it. I have a need, though to sit with my friends and look at their faces, talk, listen, play or just hang out. Locally, (rural community) we make up our own fun...it's amazing how creative mountain women can be.
About the shift in our on-line lezzie community center, it's great to see those who have decided to park her velvet here.
I truly believe it is
I truly believe it is "attainable", Kelly. The day we all understand that "life" and "death" are only fictions of our minds (even the atomic particles that conform our body will "survive" our body, as they existed before we were the "separate being" we think we are), we'll understand that our lower self is just a vehicle to express who our higher Self is, and that all those "physical boundaries" of the lower self are nothing but a mirage or an "excuse" not to be that higher Self we can be.
Peace
Cris
What I didn't get into was
What I didn't get into was that my higher Self understands that what I am looking for isn't actually attainable by my lower self. The best I can do, then, is to enjoy each moment by being present in it, honoring it in that way. Doing so helps get me where I want to go.
As my pal Thad Cockrell sings, "I've got no home, but I've got a destination."
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
For me, "home" is deep inside
For me, "home" is deep inside of me. It's about knowing me, accepting me for who I truly am, being in harmony with myself, and walking through life in peace. I am my best friend (I could also be my worst enemy), and take care of that best friend with all my love and compassion. I do it because I've realized that, if I am not ok with myself, I just can't find a place to call "home" anywhere.
With respect to "community", I have never really embraced that concept, for it means becoming one single unit on the basis that all of its members share a common interest. As I see it, one of the things that define us as "individuals" is our unique blend of experiences, circumstances and interests. Yes, I can share one common interest with a certain group of people, but I may also have other interests I can only share with a different group that might be "incompatible" with that first group. That's why I have never really felt that I "belong" to any group. I tend to think that I just share a "part" of me when interacting with any such groups, while at the same time staying true to myself.
Anyway, thanks so much, Kelly! As usual, I loved reading your blog.
Cris
Hey Tae, so you don't do
Hey Tae, so you don't do hope, but you do gratitude? Fair enough.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
I'm thankful for Julia (among
I'm thankful for Julia (among others) landing us in the smutter. LOL
What an awesome opening blog!
What an awesome opening blog! I feel like you looked right into my soul and described how I've been feeling for the past few months. I keep telling folks "I just don't fit" and they don't understand what I'm talking about. But you, dear Kelly, summed it up quite nicely. And thanks for making me feel like its OK that some of my best friends are "only" online friends.
So far, I'm loving me some Veltvetpark!
Hey Deb/CMW, I wish you safe
Hey Deb/CMW, I wish you safe travels in your big rig! One of my customers named his truck driving business "Desolation Industries." This guy is one big muthafucka, but such a big SWEETIE. He loves being on the open road. I always look forward to your input. TTYL. Peace & Love, Fastgurrrl
Whatev, Chief. You know you
Whatev, Chief. You know you love it. On a decidedly less erotic note, I'm gonna go stuff a tofurkey with you on Facebook now.
kthxbai
Aw, you guys! Thanks again
Aw, you guys! Thanks again for the kindness... except for twatty mouth Watson who always manages to land us right in the smutter.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Mmm. Velvetpark. It must be
Mmm. Velvetpark. It must be said that the name of this place is awfully sexy. Euphemism much?
Going for a stroll...
Thanksgiving is great for me
Thanksgiving is great for me because I get four days off. Not totally off because I am on call, but, I don't have to go in to work unless it is an emergency. I am not into parades either. I do like to keep up on who is winning the football games, not that my cities team will win, lol, not that I sit and watch every minute of the games either. I do miss gathering and playing games with a group of gay ladies, fun gmes, laughing and joking, drinking a little and sharing our lives with one another. Over the years our group has split up due to people moving to other states, dropping out of sight for unknown reasons, and death. Geez, I have become a rambling rose lately.
Smile...life is good!!!
Kelly, that was
Kelly, that was beautiful.......... When I 'give thanks', the people who have touched my life in extraordinary ways, always come to mind. You are, in fact, one of those people Kelly. Everything you write... your concern for the earth, your political passion and your care for humanity. I am thankful for learning from your words and your commitment to 'community'.......
This feels like home, a place to share our thoughts... hearts and friendships.
Thank you for ever thing you do for others..........
Life is Good....
Love is Awesome.....
LBDL
Amen Kelly! Being partly
Amen Kelly!
Being partly descendant of the original people of this continent, I have a slightly, um, different take on Thanksgiving. But, I've always tried to think of it as a time I could use to reflect upon those things I am most thankful for. Like you, I'm not much for parades or American football (except for maybe the Patriots and USC, lol), and I have a bit of a crowd-phobia so large gatherings are always uncomfortable for me.
One thing I will be very thankful for is the new online friends I've made in the last year, who have accepted me as I am. My world is largely a world filled with isolation, mainly due to the nature of the work that I do, and that can be very lonely sometimes (okay, all the time). Were it not for these new friends, I do not know how I would have gotten through the difficult, and in a couple of cases frightening, situations I encountered this year.
This year, I will not be home for Thanksgiving. I will instead be on the road, doing my thing, and praying I do not have to perform any rescues. If I do, I pray I lose no one. It is my sincerest wish that each and every one of you has a safe and happy Thanksgiving, and that we do not meet by accident, but here online instead.
Kelly...... As always....a
Kelly......
As always....a wonderful and insightful blog. As I said on the OC....I have found community among this fantastic online group. And I have followed you and Grace to this home....I am thankful to those I have met online during this last year.....it has been an "awakening" for me.
Peace
Tesser
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!! Next!!!!!
Well said Kelly! My town is
Well said Kelly! My town is small enough there have only been three gay folk (that we know of) in its entire history - and the other two moved away to the big city. I think its good having straight pals (or friends who are in any way different to me) just to keep me broad-minded. However, its nice to come home at the end of the day and hear (or read) some chat from like-minded folk too!
Whoa, Kelly, right on! Thanks
Whoa, Kelly, right on! Thanks for opening up like that. You could have been describing me, seriously. Sometimes I've wondered if there's something wrong with me that I don't know, or have more "gay" friends, particularly women. That's one of the reasons I went to OC just to feel more connected to people "like me."
And now I've got VP, sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet!
Good vibes, THANK YOU!
Thanks, Kelly! I've met
Thanks, Kelly! I've met Katie's gf in Chicago and may do pro bono PR for her upcoming CD (if it's ever completed!). I'll reach out to Katie. I've got to get past this shyness I've acquired in Chicago!
-Angie
Without passion I do not exist.
I feel you, Kel :) through
I feel you, Kel
through the years I've weaved in and out of groups of people - belonging to them all at once - never connecting those groups, only via me. sometimes it was hard making choices, knowing I wanted to be in more then one place at a time.
my gay friends were club friends. I've had a small group around also while dating my last gf - it went with her into poof land.
i have friends who will last a lifetime..they seem to be in the hubs of friends I have. i seem to stay connected though by not demographics, but a deeper sense we all have.
maybe one day, one of my lifetime friends will be a lesbian - so then a hub will be lesbian...so right now my ONLY connection i have with the lesbian culture is through via internet...OC and now also VP.
and of course the only lesbian I take is that the people are lesbian...because to me lesbian means sex....not art...not music...not writing...not fashion...just sex. I mean people make things sex themed, but really it's so interlocking it's not really divided..
some do ONLY DYKE stuff...ALL DYKE and it's got to be totally different then straight....even though it's just toilet paper. the point is, it's ALL connected because we have to wipe our ass with something...be it if it's dyke toilet paper or straight toilet paper.
not sure if this is coming out right...
And so it is... we built it
And so it is... we built it and you have come. Good to see the familiars.
For Angie: our own Katie Liederman just moved to Chicago a couple of months ago. I know no better butterfly for you to join forces with than her.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Thanksgiving: Like you Kelly
Thanksgiving: Like you Kelly I don't really relate very well to that holiday. I don't like parades or football and my family is all over the place so we only meet for Christmas now.
Giving Thanks: I am thankful for good friends however, and I'm thankful I've met so many great people in this online community. "Hi Tex, TAEM, Minnie and everyone!...wish I could write as well as you." :)~ - PK
"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"
Kelly, for what you describe,
Kelly, for what you describe, we can truly have a thanks giving. Also, I believe we don't so much find our place in the world, but make it where we can.
~Mins
Still searching for the right brainy quote.
Overwhelmed - the first words
Overwhelmed - the first words that come to mind after reading this are, "I love you."
I have not and will not speak ill of those I do not really know, and not criticize that which I do not understand. I will, instead, speak from my heart to and about those I have made a connection with and have gotten to know through that enigma called OurChart. I will forever be grateful to those who had the foresight and fortitude to make it happen. I will forever be grateful to those I have met and can now call friends. We go through life meeting and interacting with people. It is odd, but most of the people I come in contact with remain to me - acquaintances. My friends are those people with whom I can be me. So, Kelly, even though I have people in my life who are true family, they remain to me acquaintances......
To all ya'lls - BIG SMOOCH!.....and I love being called a "loyalist".....good company, indeed!
Nothing but love
Tex
Twitter Time @kdhales
Beautifully written Kelly.
Beautifully written Kelly. The comfort level that we have all gathered from each other is something I am forever thankful for and astounished by.
Good to be here my fellow Sagittarius!
Canada Anytime
Kel
Lake
Hi Kelly :) I just wanted to
Hi Kelly
I just wanted to say I'm happy to be here reading a blog from you....a beautifully written one too. xoxo - PK
"Fight Prime Time. Read a Book"
I hear ya, Kelly. I feel
I hear ya, Kelly. I feel like I've "come home" to what was OC and now VP. I am trying to come out and I've searched social websites like MySpace to connect to other lesbians without being "outed." I was so happy to have come across OC and I'm even more excited to be a part of the VP online clan. I feel like a sponge absorbing this new identity/life! I couldn't connect with the MySpace lesbians and am having problems meeting lesbians in Chicago since I moved from Houston, Texas over a year ago. This is all strange to me not having a social network because I was the social queen in Houston. Of course, this was in the straight world.
Anyway, this new beginning for VP is a new beginning for me. Its very exciting!
And in regards to the Thanksgiving holiday thing, it sounds like you've described the "idea" behind this holiday down to the T.
Thanks for sharing.
Peace,
Angie
Without passion I do not exist.
Hey Taem! I'm so thrilled
Hey Taem!
I'm so thrilled and honored that all of you loyalists have followed the dyke piper to VP. And thanks so much for the compliment. Being a Sagittarius, it's hard to be reticent in the face of injustice and/or stupidity. I'm glad to have to have company and compatriots in the struggle.
Long may we rock.
kmc
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Kelly, You do indeed evince
Kelly,
You do indeed evince the spirit of satsang, keeping many of us more in touch with it as well. You have a way of bringing to light those uncomfortable, somewhat guilty truths we tend to avoid seeing. What's more, you often make us feel nurtured and empowered by the learning process. I am grateful to be part of this little sangham that occasionally seeks to give a little nudge, or a strong kick in the ass, to the greater human community beyond.
Thank you,
Tae