I know what you’re thinking. Another Glee blog? Listen, I’m just like every other gay person out there… give me some drama with a sprinkling of funny and wrap it in a musical and I’m there. I must admit, I haven’t always been this gay. It took me a while to get into this high school musical mostly because I thought it was going to be like High School Musical. I started watching towards the tail end of last season, so I have no idea about all the underlying backstories but this show is like a crush smorgasbord for me. In fact, the only reason I haven’t written about the Glee ladies before is because I couldn’t pick just one… until now. My latest crush has always caught my fancy but she beat out Angel Quinn, Bitch Quinn AND especially hot Punk Quinn when she finally came out of the closet in the most genuine way ever. Santana, this musical blog is dedicated to you.
Normally, I translate my crushes from the characters to the celebrities who play them. I don’t know how I do it, it’s magic. To be honest, I have no idea who Naya Rivera is so I can’t even begin to dig her, but Santana? Hellz yeah!! It’s no secret this cheerio Latina who spits insults better than Eminem in a rap battle royale is fiery and sexilicious. I won’t even waste your time talking about her smoking hot vocals or gorgeous dark eyes. Santana’s so much more than a pretty face and while Glee provided inklings of her depth in previous shows, she blew me away in her coming out episode.
I’ll admit, I saw a lot of high school me in Santana. I didn’t come out by choice in high school; I was outed in a most unflattering way. I spent most of my high school, college and Naval career putting a Herculean effort into hiding who I really was. I wasn’t excessively mean like Santana, or outed through a cutthroat political campaign, but my heart went out to this hottie whose struggle so closely mirrored my own. What differed greatly was the public reception.
I would have killed for someone to tell me I was perfect in the form of a heart-felt Pink cover. Once outed, I was teased and ostracized by most everyone in high school, including some dastardly professors! It’s an understatement to say high school was a wicked dark time for me, but I am definitely one of the many that can truthfully say It Gets Better. While I watched this episode I couldn’t help but to think that high school me would have adored seeing a fellow Lebanese go through the same struggle. It would have done wonders to see someone else get the support that I was not getting. No one ever uttered, “We don’t judge we celebrate because it’s who you are,” to me but I could have internalized it just from hearing it said to someone else.
I realize by proxy support ain’t helpful to everyone, but it does make me smile to see what I consider a subtle media change in favor of all things queer. A powerful message is being conveyed more now than ever. Could it be better? Could the message be stronger, louder, bolder? Sure, I’d love to see me playing Santana’s love interest one day (although that would be weird because I have the hots for the siren who’ll be playing her mother in future episodes).
I guess what really drove me wild is Santana’s authenticity. Her struggle with her sexuality and her feelings for her bestie are expertly captured. My heart ached with these words, “I try so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside but everyday just feels like a war and I walk around so mad at the world but I’m really just fighting with myself. I’m just too tired. I have to just be me.” Amen.
At the end of the day, life is hard for everyone. It’s harder if you can’t be who you really are. It’s damn near impossible if there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I crush on Santana for her courage, her heart and her ability to be naked with her emotions. I crush on her because high school me recognizes the light at end of the tunnel that Santana represents, is better late than never. I applaud all the brave Santana-like ladies out there who know what it feels like to be ostracized for love. I applaud all of us who, at one point, tried to hide away from the rest of the world despite wanting to be the one to walk in the sun.