Ready, Set, Date

I am always shocked at the number of people who don’t know the proper way to prepare for a date. Granted, it’s tricky. No one wants to take the risk of seeming overeager or overdressed, and in general downplaying expectations by not putting too much pressure on a first date can quell your anxiety as well as your date’s. But there are still a few things that simply must not be overlooked.

Let’s talk grooming
No one wants to date a grungy, unwashed lesbian. I don’t care if you and all your pals think looking like you just rolled out of a dumpster is the hippest thing. If you are unwashed no one wants to go out with you. So bathe before your date. And I don’t mean in the morning before work. A date, especially a first date, deserves a grooming ritual all its own. 

How you smell
We all know how lesbians are with the chemical-sensitivity thing so you may want to take that into consideration before you get all tarted up with perfume and cologne. I like perfume and I appreciate a butch who tells me she likes the way I smell. But unfortunately not all lesbos get into it. I dated someone for several years who would wrinkle her nose as if something was rotten in the refrigerator whenever I put on any scent. 

If you do wear perfume, someone should really have to be all up in your grill before they can smell it. If it trails behind you as you cross the room, tone it down a bit.

How are your nails?
Hands are the first thing your date will notice about you. They should be clean, with nails trimmed very short and filed down. Nip any hangnails and rub some moisturizer into your cuticles.

If you are femme and your nails are normally done, make sure you have a fresh manicure with a nice clean unchipped coat of polish. The sexiest femme nail is very short, filed into a smooth round shape, and painted a bold color, indicating both an interest in feminine grooming rituals but also a willingness, desire, and ability to please a lover. No offense to my acrylic-sporting sisters; I understand a diva needs her claws. But for most of us the short nail is the way to go.

Listen to me when I say