Pride Wars: These Straights are Prouder than You

Sometimes, being straight takes a lot of effort. It takes blood, sweat and tears to be who you truly are. Sometimes, it takes a Leviticus tattoo to prove who you are. Sometimes, you have to write an anti-gay rap album. Nobody said being straight was easy.

You might have heard about the Queens man who was nearly beaten to death for being gay; in lieu of the recent hate crime bill being passed, the legal strategy for the two young men accused of the beating has gotten…strategic. In other words, they have to prove that they love, like, or actively tolerate gay people.

A friend of suspect Daniel Rodriguez claims “he doesn’t have nothing against gay people,” while others claim he had gay roommates in the past. Ironically, another friend of his dons the killer Leviticus tattoo floating around this week. Damn, that took a lot of effort:

On the subject of putting-way-too-much-effort-into-being-straight, rapper Charlie Check’m’s anti-gay album drops next month, with sweet hooks like “Something’s wrong with your brain/Why don’t you just admit there’s something wrong with your brain,” this lyricist pulled out all the stops to prove he really hates gay marriage.

I mean, do you know how long it takes to record an album? This guy had his mind on buttsecks for way too long. And apparently, people who have “something wrong with their brain” shouldn’t get married. I guess I’m out, then.