Post-It Break-Ups: 'Hillbilly Crazy' is Still Very Much Crazy

[Editor's Note: Here is our first submission under our new enterprise "Post-It,Your Break-up Stories." Enjoy, and please do contribute! Catharsis, or revenge...or both?]

Disclaimer # 1:  This story will be long, because this is perhaps the longest break-up story in the history of lesbian dating.

Disclaimer # 2:  This story details the breakup of two women who were never, officially, dating.

After the end of a long relationship with a particularly difficult woman, I sort of fell into a FWB situation with a woman (we'll call her "Jane") whom I'd known for over 10 years. While Jane admitted to being "intense" ("intense" is generally a euphemism for "Hillbilly Crazy"), I felt that I'd observed her behaviour in enough relationships over our friendship to have a fair understanding of the parameters of her insanity.

I was wrong.

I don't think I've ever communicated my inability to be in a relationship or lack of desire to be monogamous more clearly in my life. In addition, this was long-distance—about 4 hours apart—and even when I am in the head-space to date someone seriously my libido is far too demanding for anything that requires planning in advance. She and I spent a few weekends together—maybe 4?—all under the auspices that it was casual sex. From time to time, she would talk about me relocating to be closer to her, but I always alternated between non-committal and "never-because-I-hate-where-you-live."

I spent Memorial Day in Provincetown, where I promptly met and slept with another woman. When asked, I told Jane about the encounter. She flipped her shit. Lots of tears and screaming. This went on for a few days, and I gradually began distancing myself. We were scheduled to see each other in two weeks since I had to attend a wedding in her city, but I was reluctant to commit to anything since her mood swings were so crazy.  

We finally had a conversation (via chat) where she asked my travel plans and I told her I was just going to make it a day trip because I wanted to avoid her craziness and didn't want to lead her on anymore.  She ended the conversation with perhaps the best sign-off ever: "I absolutely adore your ass... fucked up or not... and I am sorry for whatever it is that I did that made you turn into someone I don't recognize. I never meant to waste your time or mine. Thanks for the hot sex. Have a nice time at the BBQ and the wedding. Don't get any STIs. xx"

Two days later, I ignore two calls from her and receive a text with a picture of the park outside of my office and the message "Come outside." This broad traveled 4 hours on a bus in 104 degree heat to park herself in my radius!

She had a suitcase and bouquet of flowers in tow (how freaking long was she planning to visit?) and was kind enough to tell me that she hopped on the bus immediately after her Crossfit class and would like to take a shower. Verrry attractive, Lady. WTF?!

I promptly offered to buy her a train ticket or get her a hotel room for the night. She refused. I ignored her, and booked her a room at the Westin around the corner. I then marched her there and dropped her off. She sexted me all night, left a pathetic voicemail asking me to buy her a ticket home, which I did not return. I thought that would be the end of it. Not so.

To summarize, and make a long story longer, over the last 5 months I've gotten regular emails, texts, and phone calls including:

1.  She needed support after coming out to her 99 year old grandmother—always a bad idea.
2.  Sending birthday wishes and letting me know I was missed at a wedding in Toledo that I never agreed to attend.
3.  Pictures of her dog in outlandish outfits.
4.  Apologizing for her behaviour and letting me know she could give me space to call her when I was ready... and then calling me 48 hours later.

Last week, I got this link. (Is it time for a restraining order?) 

I've responded to none of this outreach, but I have to admit that it does make me laugh. Hard, at times.  Jane makes me think that the ultimate crazy breakup is one that never really ends. She just continues to have, or fix, a relationship that exists only in her head. Fucking crazy.