People Take What You Give; OR “Stop Teaching People to Treat You like Sh*t!”

Doing so is the most expeditious way to play yourself like a silly heaux.

All I’m saying is: every relationship is like a newborn child – and not in that weird way that lesbians like to become each other’s mothers (that’s a different post for a much different day).

I’m saying: we expect human beings to pop up perfectly in our lives and just get it. That’s our problem. When we begin to understand that each relationship (whether or not it resembles one from the past, contains similar issues to one from our past, dresses, looks, and wears the same cologne as one from our past) is a new and unique connection of two completely separate individuals – a new and unique connection containing the potential to build and create new and unique understandings and experiences – we will start caring for our relationships like newborn children rather than dusty discarded toys from Christmas past.

I’m saying: very few people come into a relationship saying “I can treat this person like sh*t and everything’s gon’ be allll good.”

If that happens to you, please, message me immediately, there are some things we need to work out that won’t fit within this post. I mean that. Message me now.

We teach people what we accept and what we’re willing to give.

If you accept bullsh*t. You’re teaching someone that it’s OK for them to continuously give you bullsh*t. It’s that simple.

If you’re anything like me, and liiiiive to give people the benefit of the doubt, let me tell you how your relationships usually go:

Someone hurts you. You tell them. You pretend to forgive them. You expect that they can do better. They hurt you again. You show them how much you love them by doing more for them (because you believe you’re teaching them how you want to be loved). They hurt you more. You love them harder. You become more loyal. They become, what seems to be, even more lazy in love, treating you more like sh*th than they ever have been before (in actuality, they’re the same sh*tty lover they were in the beginning, they just seem like even less now because you’ve become more open, more vulnerable, more self-sacrificing).

CUT. IT. OUT.

OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH.

You show people how to love you, in action, yes. But if you think you’re showing something by exhibiting a set of particular behaviors and your “loved one” is not cueing in to your needs and desires: STOP being a passive aggressive lover running wildly down a road to seriously irreversible resentment.

Say exactly what you feel and need and want. Give the other person the chance to meet or reject your needs. Perhaps, give them a couple chances to get it right.

We’ve all been to school before. We know what progress and improvement looks like, right? Don’t see any?

Well then …

like I SAID …

There are like a gazillion lezzies in this world. And the number is growing. I know. I see them every day at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s and Planet Fitness. Find yourself one that actually likes you. It’s that simple.

And I know I don’t have to explain what that means.

Invite some good sh*t into your life. Please. For the sake of your own happiness.

I’ll let Bey give you a few words to meditate on.

While you’re at it,

BE YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND.

Oh ya … and feel free to stalk me: @khoLi | khoLioli.com