Occupy the Holidays!

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Occupy the Holidays!

And so here we are. 

Happy Black Friday everyone. 

To me this only means one thing and it sure ain't going to Kohl's at 4 am to buy ecru lace-edged 300-count duvet covers.  

No. It's the day the full-force unrepentent onslaught of pre-digested Christmas music-pap takes over all of our lives and psyches like a tsunami of auditory green algae from a very strange and corporate planet. 

That rising sea of muzak-filled sappy sludge that will begin to fill every niche and corner of our collective consciousness from now until the truly holy day of December 26 when it all... blissfully... STOPS.

But, until then, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" while we're waiting in line at Walgreen's to buy cotton balls. "Jingle Bells" popping into Peet's for a tea. "Alvin and the Chipmunks" at the local health food store.


And here's even a full disclaimer.

For some strange reason, I can rock the holidays in this increasingly, frighteningly Christian-centric country more than your average East-Coast-raised yogini raised as a Jew. I mean, if you've read Outrageous Openness you know I'm more than a little in love with Jesus and Mary in my own eccentric, yet utterly impassioned way.

So I love going every year to Handel'sMessiah in Grace Cathedral and weeping like a baby, or blasting Mercedes from Gleedoing her astonishing gospel version of "Angels We Have Heard on High" for hours, on auto-play.

And, hey, I'm equal opportunity for ALL holidays. I love Hanukah. And Kwanzaa. And most of all, the winter solstice where really the whole damn story actually began... and mutated like some deranged pseudo-spiritual virus.

But you have to draw the linesomewhere.

Here's good news.

The other day I was in line at the bank in San Francisco. And a full four days before Thanksgiving the place was already infested with the world's most wretched version of "Little Drummer Boy." My whole being recoiled as I walked in the door, but alas, the ATM outside was broken.

No escape.

I spontaneously rolled my eyes and let out a groan.

Suddenly the big, stocky guy behind me yelled, "Hey, change the music!" And the short woman in a faux-leopard jacket next to him yelled, even louder, "Yeh, CHANGE the music.  Or we'll ALL leave!"

"Occupy the holidays," someone else muttered, laughing under her breath.

And lo and behold, a bonafide pre-Christmas miracle.

On came "Car Wash."

A vast and incomparable improvement.

It never sounded so good.

The leopard woman whooped and all six of us in the line started groovin' (or at least as much as you can in a mostly white Noe Valley bank which basically meant a little semi-restrained head-nodding and discreet foot tapping while gazing at the floor and waiting for the next teller.)

So now I'm filling the iPod that I will keep glued to my head through December with every great R&B and soul song known to humanity.

After all, until I went into that bank, I'd completely forgotten that my first great teenage longing was to become a dancer on 'Soul Train'.

And maybe I'll be back soon with another installment.

The Ten Days of Funk-Mas.

Stay tuned.



Check out "Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead"

Comments [9]

Grace Moon's picture


I believe Little Drummer Boy was playing at Target when the woman unleashed her pepper spray while picking up the new Xbox.

tweet tweet @gracemoon

Tosha's picture

roflmao Grace!

yes, that's the perfect background music to such an event.  could have been filmed by jane campion

Conlite's picture

Tom Lehrer's take on

Tom Lehrer's take on commercial Christmas, circa 1959:


Tosha's picture

love that Conlite


Tiff's picture

I like Christmas music in

I like Christmas music in general (assuming I can control it--not in the being accosted by it in stores sort of way) but 'Little Drummer Boy' makes me cringe.

Tosha's picture

but Tiff, have you ever heard RuPaul do "little drummer boy"

She's the only one on the planet who should EVER get full dispensation to sing that thing--in full drag of course..  check it out...sooo good.


Tiff's picture

Checked it out, but afraid

Checked it out, but afraid not even RuPaul makes that one ok for me. :-/

Conlite's picture

(No subject)


Tosha's picture

and btw, some of the best lyrics ever created are

Rose singing "You might not ever get rich but lemme tell you it's better than bein a bitch"