Welcome to West Beverly High, where the emotional maturity level of our lez-be-frenz has been secretly replaced with that of 15-year-olds! This week, on a very special episode of The L Word…
Stung by the revelation that their last night together was naught but a grudge fuck, a raccoon-eyed Niki rants to her entourage about the evils of Jenny. (Preach!) One unlucky hanger-on says the wrong thing and gets her partying pink slip by way of being booted from Niki’s five. (Poor Tiffy!) Oh, yeah — and Niki threatens Jenny’s life: “You’re dead meat, Schecter. Dead!” ‘Least Likely’ indeed.
At The Planet, Helena and Kit are hard at work, decked out in matching geek-chic glasses. (Oh, Rachel Maddow! You have made nerdiness so sexy in the feasting halls of our people that your influence has spread all the way to Glamazonia!) Nearby, Jenny and Alice sit across from one another at dueling laptops. The Schecter watches Shane’s arrival with a vacant, put-upon expression. Shane has made Jenny some waffles
of EPIC FAIL as a peace offering, but Jenny dumps them in the garbage after a game of “I’m not speaking to you” telephone via Alice.
Bette and Tina show up and determine their seating arrangements by way of ‘rock, paper, scissors.’ Bette: “Have fun with the martyrs.” Tina: “Have fun with the cheaters.” We learn that Alice is writing a screenplay treatment; Tina volunteers Jenny to look it over for her. BFFs Tibette send each other gossipy texts about their friends from eight feet away, as Alice and Tasha put the ‘ick’ back in McBickersons. Jenny spends so much time with her mouth open in stunned dismay that I begin to wonder if that’s how she drowned. Bette and Tina announce they are planning to adopt baby Portard number two. Shane confronts Jenny, begging for forgiveness yet again, but to no avail.
Back at the homestead, Shane the indentured servant works on home improvement projects for Jenny. Max is off for his final pre-op consult.
Tina learns that Lez Girls has been retitled The Girls, and will be marketed as a hetero love story in the vein of Sex in the City. Barf. Tina’s mewling protests are met with: “Get on board, Tina. The train’s not going to lezzie town.”
On campus, at a staff meeting, Jodi basks in accolades for her vengeful art piece about Bette. Bette arrives. Awkward!
An enthusiastic Max