The Kel Word: Constant Craving
That k.d. lang got it right when she sang, “Constant craving has always been,” without actually defining a particular hunger. It's the human condition to want completion of one fashion or another. For some, the longing is personal, emotional, spiritual; for others, the urge is for professional or material gains, although I suspect that's just masking a hankering of other, deeper proportions.
I have two queer female friends who have expressed suffering at the hands of loneliness lately. I have another non-queer friend who continually asks me if I, being single for a long time, get lonely. She does, and she's married. Both of the others also have partners, which signals to me that it's an entirely internal condition that has nothing to do with actually having companionship. Or maybe it speaks to the character of the relationships they are in, or the way in which they or their partners approach the relationships. It would seem that something is lacking somewhere in the mix, though I really have no idea.
I'm not sure that I do... get lonely, that is. Bored, certainly, although I do enjoy my own company and need alone time to regenerate. For my friends, perhaps the expectations or hopes placed on their various partners is too high, asking them to fill a void that can never be filled by another person. Does being alone for a good stretch of life make someone less lonely because you (hopefully) make peace with the silence, the space, the solitude? Again, I really have no idea.
What a journey we're all on, hey?
My constant craving is for home. I've never had that. Not even as a kid. The closest I've ever known was when I lived at a meditation ashram. I suppose not having a home or feeling at home is a type of loneliness, too. It is definitely a sense of being incomplete, uneasy. I'm not sure if home is a place or a person or a state of being... maybe it's all three or maybe it's none of them.
Whatever our desire, how do we slake these perpetual thirsts? Is there an ablution we must perform in order to cleanse ourselves of the pining completely? A ritual fire to immolate the yen? Or must we walk into and through these yearnings to acknowledge their presence and receive their teachings?
Comments [12]
though desire is a powerful
though desire is a powerful motor, it gives creativity, energy, will and reasons to get off bed every morning. but we have to choose goals who worth it, not rubbish stuff.
Few blogs ago you said you where tired, now you said you'r bored. I'm worries about you.
-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-
Loneliness
Literally, never felt it until the age of 30. When friends used to say they were lonely or were craving a romantic relationship, I had no idea what they were talking about ... I spent my 20's loving my own company.
But at 30 everything shifted and I definitely crave deeper friendships and a significant other.
That's bad when you'r alone
That's bad when you'r alone for too long because everybody get suspicious on you. Girls who just want something causal think that you would never let them go and lead them into dramas. And those who look for a serious relationship think that your lack of experiences means that you have poor idea about the reality of what a relationship is. You look like a trouble bag, you can be interesting, funny, cool, nice, nobody want to take the risk or the responsibility to dig further.
-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-
Exactly.
There seems to be a definite prejudice in this community towards dating those just coming out or sexually inexperienced people, which is weird. Maybe it's a mistrust thing - that they're not really gay or using them as an experiment? ... or selfish thing. This was brought home in the "Three-Way" blog conversation with Julia & co, where being with a "virgin" was discussed in negative tones.
It makes me come to the conclusion that most lesbians would rather be with 'player' (or ex player) for their own selfish reasons ...
a) Supposed sexual satisfaction from the 'get go'.
b) No obligation to take care of a persons feelings afterwards.
c) In the cool clear light of day, they can up and leave without "guilt" ... because the player has been there done that - many times.
Considering every lesbian has to have a "first" (even potential players), that virgin could end up being a persons most fulfilling relationship ... sexually and otherwise. Maybe 'experienced' lesbians are afraid of that ...
Don't be too harsh, its not
Don't be too harsh, its not very constructive. when someone have a crush or not, i'm not sure they rationalize it that way.
Beside, to be serious or to playcan have unexpected out come, the shortest relationships i had was with girls who want to find "love" or "the right one". After one week or two they look at me and think that i'm not good enough to spend the rest of their life with.When someone want to find "the unique", you'r screwed
On the other hand, the longest was supposed to be causal, to play. At the beginning, we were both too lazy to look around, then it was winter, then we realize it wasn't that bad....
I'm on my way to think that every body look in the same direction, so if nobody's look at you, you became invisible. I'v heard so much stories about peoples who finally get a lover and suddenly, everybody seems interested in them.
-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-
!
... and then it was winter.
I love it, and soooooo true!
seriously you just don't know if you're really gonna get along with someone until the many months in. It takes a while to get to know somebody (and somebody's body for that matter.)
tweet tweet @gracemoon
Yeah, I'll agree with that...
I think! I love your French to English! Big smooch, Pepe!
@kdhales
Hi Joanne...
"It makes me come to the conclusion that most lesbians would rather be with 'player' (or ex player) for their own selfish reasons ..."
I hope that you're not directing this towards all lesbians. Although I do understand how you could feel this way, I also get disgusted by the attitude that I so often hear from 'players'. Joanne - we are not all like that.
'Players' turn me off, and always have. As a general rule Joanne, in my experience, a woman who constantly needs to proclaim what a fabulous lover she is - is anything but that!
As you stated, we are all virgins at some point in our lives. Whether we're homosexual or bisexual - the feeling's the same when a woman is inexperienced, and being used for the egotistical satisfaction of someone else is unconscionable to me. But, perhaps I'm just a little 'old fashioned'..... I don't believe in using a woman as a casual fuck machine. I can't think of anything much uglier than that.
"Considering every lesbian has to have a "first" (even potential players) that "virgin" may end up being a persons most fulfilling relationship ... sexually and otherwise."
Beautifully stated Joanne.
Karma energy flow.....
I brought up this video one late night/early morning in the data entry room of the campaign office....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaHZNTd-YVY
....it quieted the already quiet room of activist gypsies
Not quite sated,
Tex
@kdhales
i just now read your comment.
i just now read your comment. kd's awesome!! what a great way to start the day! thanks for sharing. ;)
"there will never be a technology more advanced than the human mind - fully engaged in the divine process of being. technology is a tool not a destination." me.
Kelly - when I read this blog
Kelly - when I read this blog the following (Marilyn Monroe version) of this Irving Berlin song popped into my head -
Listen to me, honey dear
Something's wrong with you I fear
It's getting harder to please you
Harder and harder each year
I don't want to make you blue
But you need a talking to
Like a lot of people I know
Here's what's wrong with you
After you get what you want, you don't want it
If I gave you the moon, you'd grow tired of it soon
You're like a baby
You want what you want when you want it
But after you are presented
With what you want, you're discontented
You're always wishing and wanting for something
When you get what you want
You don't want what you get
And tho' I sit upon your knee
You'll grow tired of me
'Cause after you get what you want
You don't want what you wanted at all
Don't you say that I'm unkind
Think it over and you'll find
You've got a changeable nature
You're always changing your mind
There's a longing in your eye
That is hard to satisfy
You're unhappy most of the time
Here's the reason why
I definitely suffer from a degree of material "Constant Craving" syndrome but I try not to dwell too much on the deeper void I am trying to fill!!
GREAT blog!!
Tough love!
Irving's take is a lot harsher than kd's!
Dwell, baby, dwell! Come on, you have to look at the deeper underneaths. That's where the good stuff is.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword