The Future of Gay History

All too often, we gays neglect the importance of our own history, forgetting the significant social, political and religious struggles our forefathers and foremothers endured to make today a better tomorrow. But what comes next? Well, here’s a glimpse into our own crystal visions of the future of LGBTQ history.

2010: First lesbian softball team runs for public office.

2021: Celebrity scandal! Gore Vidal caught poolside with young stud!

2033: First Tampax commercial to show two men kissing airs on prime-time TV.

2042: Stonewall 2.

2050: Melissa Etheridge resigns as Attorney General Janet Reno.

2067: First gay on the moon.

2078: First gay on Uranus.

2082: Statue of Liberty gets cold; AIDS quilt to the rescue!

2096: Another lesbian wins Wimbledon.

2104: Scientists isolate “gay gene,” quickly send it to Christian counseling.

2111: First all-S/M police brigade hits the streets, and each other.

2119: I should never have gotten those highlights.

2125: Lesbians unite!

2140: First gay president declines post, “Too much hand-holding, not enough action!”

2156: Stonewalls 3 through 7.

2169: Gays finally make first-and-a-half class citizens.

2177: Dinah Shore ‘77 blasts into space!

2180: First tranny-elected Pope.

2188: Cure for the common cold discovered; AIDS research still underfunded.

2193: Gay robot rebellion begins.

2194: Hand jobs still awesome!

2213: Madonna dies, reinvents herself as a crime-fighting android.

2221: Gay marriage legalized in all 50 states!

2222: Nuclear annihilation.

Love,

Emma & John, Breeders Digest