All too often, we gays neglect the importance of our own history, forgetting the significant social, political and religious struggles our forefathers and foremothers endured to make today a better tomorrow. But what comes next? Well, here’s a glimpse into our own crystal visions of the future of LGBTQ history.
2010: First lesbian softball team runs for public office.
2021: Celebrity scandal! Gore Vidal caught poolside with young stud!
2033: First Tampax commercial to show two men kissing airs on prime-time TV.
2042: Stonewall 2.
2050: Melissa Etheridge resigns as Attorney General Janet Reno.
2067: First gay on the moon.
2078: First gay on Uranus.
2082: Statue of Liberty gets cold; AIDS quilt to the rescue!
2096: Another lesbian wins Wimbledon.
2104: Scientists isolate “gay gene,” quickly send it to Christian counseling.
2111: First all-S/M police brigade hits the streets, and each other.
2119: I should never have gotten those highlights.
2125: Lesbians unite!
2140: First gay president declines post, “Too much hand-holding, not enough action!”
2156: Stonewalls 3 through 7.
2169: Gays finally make first-and-a-half class citizens.
2177: Dinah Shore ‘77 blasts into space!
2180: First tranny-elected Pope.
2188: Cure for the common cold discovered; AIDS research still underfunded.
2193: Gay robot rebellion begins.
2194: Hand jobs still awesome!
2213: Madonna dies, reinvents herself as a crime-fighting android.
2221: Gay marriage legalized in all 50 states!
2222: Nuclear annihilation.
Emma & John, Breeders Digest