But someone super smart once told me that it’s not about intent, it’s about impact. And if the impact is chaos, it doesn’t matter how it’s coming into your life, it needs to make a final exit – immediately.
What I’m saying is … whether the person you’re dating is hitting you with an influx of indecisive, over or under emotional, complicated for no gosh-darned reason behaviors and needs you to help her change (most likely meaning you’re either serving as an emotional crutch or giving all your “good sh*t” – time, effort, patience, heart space, energy, soft feelings, love, etc - away ) …
OR is just not ready to step up and away from difficulty/pain/hurt/etc, you’re the one that needs you more.
You’re the one that matters.
Assuming this to be true, let me ask you a few questions in order to figure out where your heads at:
- Are you frequently unsatisfied within your relationship? And I’m not talking “you haven’t figured out how to love yourself enough so that you aren’t requiring your significant other to try to complete the impossible task of completing you and fulfilling all your life needs” unsatisfied. I’m asking if you find your basic needs for human interaction and reciprocal love left unmet within your current relationship.
- Do you find yourself comforting your partner and her emotions more often than she comforts you or you comfort yourself? For instance, think about how many times you’ve approached your partner with a concern based on your needs. How many times has that conversation ended with your feelings left unacknowledged and you apologizing or mending for something you did to her/him? Now think about how often your partner does something to hurt you? How often has she offered up a genuine apology without duress? How often do you feel your needs heard and her actions adjusted in order to meet them?
- Are you perplexed by the overwhelming sense of difficulty in your relationship’s basic interactions? Have you racked your brain for every possible way to meet your partner’s needs? Are you daily changing yourself for personal betterment? For your partner’s betterment? Are you constantly confused as to how your convo went from casual conversation to a full-on battle?
- Is it worth it? Sometimes the answer is “Yes.” Most often, it’s “No.” I can’t give you the answer. What I can tell you? Anything that’s not feeding you is conspiring to starve you. Ask yourself, “What’s my relationship doing?”
Where’s your head at?
Yes, the person you’re actively loving may be awesome. Maybe they’re not awesome for you.
Yes, they may be in need of real and hard love. That doesn’t mean that you have to be the one to give it to them.
They may be in need of a helping hand and guidance towards real change. You may not be the one to give them that.
But, what’s for certain? What starts in chaos ends in chaos.
Whether your partner intends to hurt you or not – whether they intend to ignore you, demean you, antagonize you, confuse you, love you … or not – if it hurts, like really hurts, like every day’s a new developed pain or scar, it may not be healthy.
In the same vein, just because it’s healthy doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.
All I ask is that you keep seeking the right questions, ditch the drama, flee from chaos … and …
In the meantime,