Boob Tube: Hazing Arizona

Like many lesbian TV fans, I suffer from a painfully embarrassing condition: hope. You know what I’m talking about. As a community, we're painfully aware of how much we long for images of our loves, lives and relationships reflected in popular media. Apart from what we feasted our eyes upon during The L Word’s six year run, lesbian relationships on television have been few and far between.

It was Buffy’s Willow and Tara who first roused that feeling of warm fuzzies within me, and who first taught me to be wary of getting too mushy in love with TV lesbo couples. In their tragic wake, I have managed to avoid a similar upwelling of fannish sentiment for seven years. But now? Striking fear into the very core of my being, a show has once more roused my puppies and rainbows into a full-fledged frolic with its depiction of two adorable women in love with one another.

Damn it, Arizona. I wish I knew how to quit you...

That's right. I have officially fallen in heart with Calzone. Thursday night’s “Invest in Love” ep centered squarely on Dr. Arizona Robbins, cementing her in as a part of the Seattle Grace family. And therein lies my problem.

I have seen this before! Heck, the episode of Buffy where they first really focused in on Tara and brought her into the fold as an official member of the Scooby Gang was actually called “Family,” and we all know how that storyline ended…

Willow and Tara, the ultimate TV lesbo gateway drug!

For real, after what happend to W/T, I have TV lesbian post-traumatic fandom stress. So I know better! I have no business falling for the unflappably sensible, courageous blonde and her quirky, headstrong girlfriend. And yet… Damn this episode! Damn it straight to the eternal hellfire that is the last two seasons of The L Word!

The episode starts off with Callie and Arizona in bed together, asleep. Someone's pager goes off, rousing Arizona, but it's Callie's, not hers. She gleefully dives back into bed, startling Callie into falling out of it. We're treated to Callie gloating and holding Arizona's newly lit up and buzzing pager to her lover's... neck? Ha.

The two arrive at Seatle Grace and we follow Arizona as she is pressured to make a terrible choice between what she thinks is best for a young patient and what is in the best interest of the hospital. And in the process, we get all these amazing little moments of Callie and Arizona being in a relationship: laughing, loving, fighting, fucking—okay, we haven't actually seen them fucking. (C’mon, ABC. Throw us a frickin’ lesbone! Jessica Capshaw says she thinks they'll get their onscreen humpage on sooner or later.) But they were supporting each other, misunderstanding one another, having brunch with friends at their apartment, arguing, and finally, confessing at long last their love for each other and I ATE THAT SHIT UP WITH A SPOON like it was Haagen Daaz mango sorbet! They’re so cute together I can’t stand it.

Heart!

I know better than to trust the butterflies they’ve stirred up. Really, I do. But I just can’t help myself. Maybe it will be different this time, maybe it won’t. Probably, it won't. But I have become infected with hope, with puppies and rainbows. HALP! Mayday! Intervention! Oooooh! They're kissing again...

To Watch For…

Saturday! Don't miss the series premiere of The Wanda Sykes Show, (Fox, 11 p.m.)!

Sunday! An all new battle featuring Chef Cat Cora on Iron Chef America, (Food Network, 10 p.m.).

Monday! The How I Met Your Mother gang takes drastic measures to break up Robin and Barney when they enlist the aid of… Alan Thicke? (CBS, 8 p.m.). Eva Longoria-Parker on the series premiere of George Lopez’ Lopez Tonight, (TBS, 11 p.m.).

Wednesday! Glee is back with an all new episode, wherein Kurt squares off against Rachel for the right to sing “Defying Gravity”, (Fox, 9 p.m.). The remaining Top Chef: Las Vegas cheftestants are tasked with the greatest challenge in the history of the world: making breakfast in bed for Padma, (Bravo, 10 p.m.). Queen Latifah on George Lopez.