I Will Always Love You

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I Will Always Love You

Will I always love you? I'm built that way but if you fight me hard enough, I might eventually surrender and stop caring.

What is my love? Is it merely my need for you? Do I need to need you in order to love? Do I purposefully place myself in positions of distress, aka tempt Fate, so that you can rescue me? When you realize what I've tricked you into, are you contemptuous or do you enjoy the role of protectress? do you try to get me to grow up, or do you indulge and infantilize me?

I'm a Romantic, I've been told. I'm not sure what that means or what they mean when they say it, other than they're not. I love Keats. Does that make me a Romantic? His "Ode to Melancholy" (1884) is the best heartbreak advice in the Western tradition: when you're unhappy, don't shut down, glut thy sorrow on a morning rose, or feed deep, deep upon your girlfriend's peerless eyes.

Keats isn't sappy, he's mystic. He knows, he feels, he suffers, he celebrates the closeness of pleasure to pain, communion to absence. For the latter, you must read "Ode to a Nightingale" (1884) again. I first read him in my high school library, age 15, and I tell you, these poems increase in value with age. They go right to the heart, exquisitely. They make language look good.

Am I in the same league with John Keats? Or is my so-called Romanticism merely a shield for an inability to take care of myself based in an even deeper layer of self-loathing that needs you to reassure me I'm less than one hundred percent despicable, at least part of the time? Keats yearns, he cherishes, he measures the distance from Beauty to hard reality. He's no dope.

Maybe being born in Southern California, taken at a tender age to Disneyland, raised by a bohemian mother under the spell of Hollywood, rendered me insensible to hard reality. Maybe my Romanticism's a distraction that prevents me from living my life; Keats my high-art drug of choice. Drenched in fantasy, I can't see you as you are, so no relationship is possible. You're fodder for my dreams.

lindssam

Lindsay Lohan merges with Samathan Ronson, May 2008.

At least I'm not alone in my failure to love. Lindsay Lohan has been making a fool of herself over that little rodent Samantha Ronson. Every time I see a picture of the two of them together my mouth drops open in disbelief. Girls will fall in love with anything! I'm appalled for La Lohan, who's such a talented comedienne and may be on her way to becoming a dramatic actress if she keeps this up, but she needs to flush this weasel out of her system and get herself some acting work, preferably onstage. The stage could cure her via its strange mix of discipline and demons plus repertoire, because the tripe she gets cast in in Hollywood would drive anyone of any sensibility mad.

We could both take a lesson from Dolly Parton, who might sing about love but puts work first. The Tennessee nightingale's about to open her first Broadway musical, based on the 1980 film 9 to 5, about three women who hogtie their "sexist, egotistical, lyin', hypocritical bigot of a boss" in feminist-fueled fury. For the occasion, Dolly has been brilliantly profiled by Jesse Green in New York magazine.

Miss Dolly Parton sings the title of this blog, 1974.



Comments [233]

Erin Blackwell's picture

:wicked: what's wrong with

:wicked: what's wrong with weasels? :wicked: Pepe's a rodent. we love her :wicked:

since Sam has taken out a restraining order on Linds, to regain her self-respect, Linds needs to yes, Flush the Weasel! this is a situational, not an absolute judgement on the little DJ. my view is utterly subjective, with no basis in reality.

Not2Taem's picture

Erin, I think you mean either

Erin, I think you mean either (twisted) :twisted: or (evil) Evil , not (wicked)

Smile

ann's picture

I get bad vibes from

I get bad vibes from Samantha, too. And I like the term "rodent" for her. Write *on,* Blackwell!

Conversely, I looooove Lohan. I do wish I could be her AA sponsor and get her away from the sycophants who are sucking her beautiful blood.

x's picture

Be my sponser, Sam Ronson

Be my sponser, Sam Ronson sucks my beautiful blood too.

Xanadu's picture

Her Parent's?

Her Parent's?

Xanadu's picture

That was for Ann ...

That was for Ann ...

mysticsmb's picture

The only problem is, it seems

The only problem is, it seems it was unstable LiLo who was more the sycophant.

As for 'rodent,' though a very apt, if obvious descriptor, it's a bit too "Mean Girl' for my blood.

(Erin, skunks and our dear Yonks are not considered rodents)

yonks's picture

"skunks and our dear Yonks

"skunks and our dear Yonks are not considered rodents"
fewww, thats a relief

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Xanadu's picture

For clarity (and I really

For clarity (and I really shouldn't be so involved in these people's lives) ... Sam's mother and sister enquired about a restraining order, but didn't actually get one.

I've re-read your piece a few times and can now see the sarcasm. Paragraph two was beautifully written BTW ...

Erin Blackwell's picture

only par 2?

only par 2?

Not2Taem's picture

I've never really paid much

I've never really paid much attention to either of them. I generally tune out on the teen/adolescent star drama, even when I was an adolescent myself. I'm wondering though, how Butch translates into an insult. The only impression I got from the video is that I hope that isn't a wad of chew in her cheek; That's just tempting fate.

Xanadu's picture

Samantha's 31, Lindsay's 22

Samantha's 31, Lindsay's 22 ...

Butch isn't an insult (and there's nothing wrong with it) ... but I've never viewed Samantha Ronson as 'Butch', the same way as I don't view Katherine Moennig as Butch (and she said she doesn't see herself that way either).

My frustration is more about media and online believing there are only TWO kinds of lesbian (Butch and Femme) and being ignorant of the 'spectrum'.

These labels are mostly used as an insult when they comment about a lesbian celebrity.

Not2Taem's picture

Ah ha! Agreed, agreed,

Ah ha! Agreed, agreed, agreed! Thanks for clarifying.

Smile

Fastgurrrl's picture

You make good points, Xanadu.

You make good points, Xanadu. I kinda hope they get back together, I thought they were cute together.

minniesota's picture

Awww, Xanadu, I don't know

Awww, Xanadu, I don't know Samantha (I'm clueless about Lindsey and Sam) but I thank you for your opinion about how she has been treated in the media.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Amy Nicole Miller's picture

Minniesota-I'm sure I've

Minniesota-I'm sure I've caught you up on Sam and Linds plenty of times now...give yourself more credit!

minniesota's picture

I do know they were together

I do know they were together and now split, but I have somehow prevented any details about their relationship from being encoded into my long term memory. That's a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

lmz's picture

Minnie Help me please, i feel

Minnie
Help me please, i feel a bit ashamed, but who are Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan ?

minniesota's picture

Good question LMZ! Lindsay

Good question LMZ! Lindsay Lohan is a young American actress, age 22, who started out as a child actress. Her first motion picture was for Disney, a remake of "The Parent Trap." I really enjoyed her in the film, "The Prairie Home Companion," which was filmed very near where I live.

I had to google Samantha Ronson. She's a song-writer and a DJ, who is about 10 years older than Lindsay.

They got together somehow and apparently had a rock road for their relationship. Anyway, the Hollywood gossips have had a field day with their story.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

lmz's picture

thank you very much

thank you very much Minnie

"the prairie home companion" is a great film !
but i didn't recognize her. i've heard her name but i was unable to put a face on it. never heard of Sam Ronson before and i didn't know the song LBDL has posted.
About "their rock road for their relationship" (i like the way you put it), i don't want to know. It's their own business.

have a nice (god what time is it in minnesota ?) afternoon.

xx

mysticsmb's picture

I agree that the media has

I agree that the media has been awful to Samantha and don't know why we would be eating our own on this site. That said, I can't say I get a particularly good vibe off the girl, but hey, what do I know? I obviously don't know her.

Perez is the kind of misogynistic creep that gives all gay men a bad name... (double grr)

Not2Taem's picture

I never have been able to

I never have been able to figure out why so many lesbians give a rat's ass what PH thinks or says. The person has
U G L Y running deep!

Xanadu's picture

P.S. Someone post "Built

P.S.

Someone post "Built This Way" by Samantha Ronson ... I still haven't figured out how to do that.

LongBeachDogLover's picture

I hope that this is what you

I hope that this is what you are looking for Xanadu.
The lyrics really say alot..... Wink

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOeOVo4hc4Q

Erin Blackwell's picture

what *do* the lyrics

what *do* the lyrics say?

Built this way
Samantha Ronson (WMG)©

Did you ever feel like you wanna be
someone else for just one day
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
through another pair of eyes
Did you ever think I might wanna be
with anyone else for just one day
Did you ever really think of me
when I walked away

The look the dunks and the bottle of Jack
the smokes the slouch and my eyes back
you think you know what you think you'll find
you think you'll figure me out tonight
but you'll never know what I won't share
coz I don't care, no I don't care
you think you'll figure me out tonight
but I don't care

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
coz every man that I know makes me feel like I'm to blame
when it's over, me and my selfish ways
go back to start again
go back to start again

Did you ever feel like you should have said
something smarter at the time
Did you ever feel like you should have kept
it all to yourself
Did you ever think it might be your fault
I never promised anymore
Did you ever think it might not be me
now it was always me

cameo's picture

I agree with the "what does

I agree with the "what does this say" and "lacks heart": She has nothing to say except whatever it takes to put dollars in the bank.

I disagree that she has the ability to "place a lyric on a musical phrase"....it's boring, trite, bubblegum b.s. that we've heard ad nauseam since...since so long ago I don't even know when it started. There's nothing unique or memorable about her music. It reminds me of Sugar Sugar in its depth and musicality.

Not2Taem's picture

I prefer reading the lyrics

I prefer reading the lyrics as I would adolescent poetry. To appreciate it, you need to see the possibilities of where it comes from and respect the person who is living inside of it.

No, Sam is not a writer's writer, or a singer's singer. And yes, we have heard it over and over through time. Because she is the current individual trapped in that adolescent struggle of self that happens to play itself out as bravado in some of us.

And here we are, tearing her down because her depiction of it still holds the roughness of that out of step adolescent. Are we really just trying to reassure ourselves that the intelligence and culture of our own need for elocution is somehow more cool? :?

cameo's picture

I reread my comment after you

I reread my comment after you made your comment. You make some very valid points. It's unfortunate that musicians who dare to create outside of the mold of conformity are not valued. Music as business squelches the creativity out of many young artists who are lured by the dollars that come from conforming to the trite "successful" model exemplified by Sam's song. Sam, herself, may face this dilemma and not know it. She may have the potential to be an extraordinary young musician but is shackled with the golden handcuffs. If she is an artist with such potential, her failure to explore the full range of her gifts is a disservice to her and us.

Xanadu's picture

Err - Apart from being the

Err - Apart from being the first person signed to Jay-Z's record label and having that song on Mean Girl's (a whole six years ago) Sam's music career really has not been 'successful' - hence she's a DJ now.

Erin Blackwell's picture

oh come on, we all know we're

oh come on, we all know we're not more cool, if indeed we're cool at all.

out of step adolescent is the name of the game, baby!

i'm not tearing her down. i'm trying to get some insight into her. you've helped, for which, many thanks.

LongBeachDogLover's picture

Samantha Ronson's music is

Samantha Ronson's music is not the type of music that I would normally listen to. However, I do understand where her emotions are coming from... some may feel it, some may not. Isn't that what art is all about.....

Just a thought.

Erin Blackwell's picture

LBDL, can you enlighten me:

LBDL, can you enlighten me: where are her emotions coming from? (emoticon for :sincere:)

LongBeachDogLover's picture

Obviously, the answer to that

Obviously, the answer to that is no.... either you feel it, or you don't. I'm not interested in a... back and forth dialogue, trying to decipher what an artist means when she says :

Did you ever feel like you wanna be
someone else for just one day
Did you ever feel like you wanna see
through another pair of eyes

**emoticon for :tired of degrading Ms. Ronson:**

Xanadu's picture

hmmm ... becoming a fan

hmmm ... becoming a fan Erin?!

Listen to Built This Way a couple of times and that humble little song will be stuck in your head forever!

P.S. Sam most likely met Lindsay through having her song on Mean Girl's soundtrack, way back in 2004 (when Linds was 17) so they are not about her. The lyrics are fitting though ...

x's picture

I like only the 2 songs: rain

I like only the 2 songs: rain and (about hair)... She must DJ it via MTV. Make a video?? Why she is popular only for the Lohan? She is like G Ritchie got tied fro Madonna's untifame.

Erin Blackwell's picture

i take "built this way" to be

i take "built this way" to be self-descriptive. she's a withholding, self-centered, apathetic poser. or am i missing something?

she does know how to place a lyric on a musical phrase & she's superficial & careless enough to succeed but lacks heart, which singer/songwriters typically need, some form of heart, not just self-absorption

yonks's picture

I think celebrity and famous

I think celebrity and famous peoples are a perfect example of how love is a wealth and how wealth attract wealth. They got famous, they got money, they got compassion and they want to be loved as peoples who are not use to happiness, what would be left for those who got nothing.
We give them money, we build their houses, provide food, we have to stare at them, applause them, and on the top of it, they ask LOVE from us?
When i'v got my skunk-night-in-a-shining-armor diploma, it said that i have to protect the poor, the deprived, the orphan and the widows. So those selebs are big enough to go on with out me.

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

x's picture

Can you protect the cancer

Can you protect the cancer ill girl from not te USA?

Erin Blackwell's picture

tres juste, mon cher. the

tres juste, mon cher.

the whole trick for celebrities or royalty is for the fans, the peasants not to notice.

once they do, it's LA TERREUR!

LongBeachDogLover's picture

Erin~ My ex is an actress.

Erin~

My ex is an actress. One of the 'celebrities' that you seem to know soooo much about... She's one of *those* women that you appear to feel contempt for, and who's mere existence seems to send you into a name calling frenzy.

I would suggest that.... before names are strewn about, and your displeasure with those that you know nothing about, turns you into an even more bitter woman... that perhaps you take a deep breath, look in the mirror and when you're perfect....then, continue your speech of hate and intolerance for women who may be different than you.

P.S. Just for your info.... not all "celebrities" are shallow, self involved pieces of shit, as you seem to feel.

Have a Wonderful Day.

Erin Blackwell's picture

LBDL i actually do know

LBDL
i actually do know something about celebrities and anyway, like all of us, i know what i know, no more or less. if i wait til i'm perfect to do anything, obviously, i'll never do anything. i'm not sure why you're in a lather or what your ex-girlfriend has to do with all this, but why exactly is a plebian not allowed to discuss these celebrities whose job is to parade before us endlessly and talk about themselves in the minutest detail? if you're defending celebrities as a class, defending them against being spoken of seems downright twisted, which is a compliment coming from me, since celebrities exist to be seen and spoken of. they're not royalty, even royalty gets dished, they're not endangered species, just what makes them so... what are you afraid is going to happen to these poor celebrities if i say something about them?

Erin Blackwell's picture

mystik okay, so what do we

mystik
okay, so what do we want to have happen?

yonks's picture

To Mystic good point

To Mystic
good point

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

mysticsmb's picture

It's not really what happens

It's not really what happens to them, is it? It's what happens to us in the process.

minniesota's picture

Do tell. What do you know?

Do tell. What do you know? Now, I'm all curious. :?:

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

yonks's picture

She get your love for a

She get your love for a moment, isn't that enough?
LBDL, don't take it personally, its a discussion, we never mean to hurt you or someone you love.
what does it change in their life or in your that pathetic looser talk against them? Wee need to be allowed some times to tel that we have enough.

With love LB

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Not2Taem's picture

Erin, Have you ever been

Erin,

Have you ever been afraid to love too well? Have you ever closed off the deepest part of yourself and let people walk only in the shallows of you soul?

This song holds both a you and an I. I hear: You thought you would figure me out, but I couldn't let that happen. That knowing is like the bipolar pull of a drug; I need to be known, yet the act of letting go, letting you see, might just destroy me.

Funny ears :twisted:

lmz's picture

To Erin and Taem thanks for

To Erin and Taem

thanks for your real conversation

Erin Blackwell's picture

:mrgreen: how can a virtual

:mrgreen: how can a virtual exchange be real? :mrgreen:

Not2Taem's picture

:lol: virtual reality Wasn't

Laughing out loud virtual reality
Wasn't that a movie?
Or was it a video game?