I Will Always Love You

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I Will Always Love You

Will I always love you? I'm built that way but if you fight me hard enough, I might eventually surrender and stop caring.

What is my love? Is it merely my need for you? Do I need to need you in order to love? Do I purposefully place myself in positions of distress, aka tempt Fate, so that you can rescue me? When you realize what I've tricked you into, are you contemptuous or do you enjoy the role of protectress? do you try to get me to grow up, or do you indulge and infantilize me?

I'm a Romantic, I've been told. I'm not sure what that means or what they mean when they say it, other than they're not. I love Keats. Does that make me a Romantic? His "Ode to Melancholy" (1884) is the best heartbreak advice in the Western tradition: when you're unhappy, don't shut down, glut thy sorrow on a morning rose, or feed deep, deep upon your girlfriend's peerless eyes.

Keats isn't sappy, he's mystic. He knows, he feels, he suffers, he celebrates the closeness of pleasure to pain, communion to absence. For the latter, you must read "Ode to a Nightingale" (1884) again. I first read him in my high school library, age 15, and I tell you, these poems increase in value with age. They go right to the heart, exquisitely. They make language look good.

Am I in the same league with John Keats? Or is my so-called Romanticism merely a shield for an inability to take care of myself based in an even deeper layer of self-loathing that needs you to reassure me I'm less than one hundred percent despicable, at least part of the time? Keats yearns, he cherishes, he measures the distance from Beauty to hard reality. He's no dope.

Maybe being born in Southern California, taken at a tender age to Disneyland, raised by a bohemian mother under the spell of Hollywood, rendered me insensible to hard reality. Maybe my Romanticism's a distraction that prevents me from living my life; Keats my high-art drug of choice. Drenched in fantasy, I can't see you as you are, so no relationship is possible. You're fodder for my dreams.

lindssam

Lindsay Lohan merges with Samathan Ronson, May 2008.

At least I'm not alone in my failure to love. Lindsay Lohan has been making a fool of herself over that little rodent Samantha Ronson. Every time I see a picture of the two of them together my mouth drops open in disbelief. Girls will fall in love with anything! I'm appalled for La Lohan, who's such a talented comedienne and may be on her way to becoming a dramatic actress if she keeps this up, but she needs to flush this weasel out of her system and get herself some acting work, preferably onstage. The stage could cure her via its strange mix of discipline and demons plus repertoire, because the tripe she gets cast in in Hollywood would drive anyone of any sensibility mad.

We could both take a lesson from Dolly Parton, who might sing about love but puts work first. The Tennessee nightingale's about to open her first Broadway musical, based on the 1980 film 9 to 5, about three women who hogtie their "sexist, egotistical, lyin', hypocritical bigot of a boss" in feminist-fueled fury. For the occasion, Dolly has been brilliantly profiled by Jesse Green in New York magazine.

Miss Dolly Parton sings the title of this blog, 1974.



Comments [233]

LongBeachDogLover's picture

... don't cum a knockin' !!

... don't cum a knockin' !! Laughing out loud

Julia Watson's picture

4.7 quake tonight centered

4.7 quake tonight centered Long Beach? Damn, LBD. If this city's a rockin'...

x's picture

Dear Xanadu, Please, explain

Dear Xanadu,

Please, explain why Samantha Ronson throws away her lover? Are you single?

Xanadu's picture

I'm cautious of responding to

I'm cautious of responding to you, as you are a newbie ...

but, Sam and Linds are still speaking ... they are still friends and I predict they will get back together, eventually.

x's picture

Try to make me a gay, I am

Try to make me a gay, I am open to discover without a shame, if you can challenge my shame by your love, to be the One&Only for me - God, family, to be my part. The question is where I will after the huge sin --hell? Even the kings sometimes live for their nation, without love, my nation is my family, my poor mother, my Russia with the Saint Icons, with people who live with respect and in fact, maybe this fight be win? God is? Can argue? Where I can find a bisexual/gay love? Give the sites. Give also- for the man for choice. Love wins.

Erin Blackwell's picture

dear x as a russian, you

dear x

as a russian, you feel deeply. that's good but be patient with yourself. it's not easy finding love. it's not easy finding friends. but they'll come. you can love your mother + the icons + be a lesbian but first you must choose your self.

Xanadu's picture

Maybe I'm miss-reading you

Maybe I'm miss-reading you because English is your second language ... but I think you need to seek some kind of psychological help.

I suggest you take a break from Twitter and MySpace-ing Samantha or Lindsay ... They have said they don't like to read replies as there are so many obsessed people and weird or mean comments.

You seem like you are crossing the line ...

x's picture

I don't want them together.

I don't want them together. She has thrown her away. You will not hurt your special person, she has done not one time, many times, are you blind? When a family is againts even. A mother will not be againt of the her child happiness. I am not new bi or gay, look my www.twitter.com/er0708, I am fighting and when I have sent her a mail with title: you are not gay, she has open it. This very hard issue; here in Russia it is a huge sin. But in Moscow they have gay and lesbian clubs, one 40 y.o.RE CEO has been killed (very unhumanian way - in parts)by her 30 y.o. lover when she wanted to start brand new life without her. So, make the story about it. The real estate agency "МИАМ". Also my twitter.com/DiplomatArtist. Being same-sex sexuality is the total freedom, what is untivalue. You mix it with compassion. Every person can overcome it. I feel myself as a crimer, feel myself humiliated, I am happy that I can reflact this emotions via your site. Maybe if someone falls in love with me (like Samantha Ronson) I will consider to be loved by person not sex (man or woman). But my mother and Granny will cancel any relationship in that case.

Erin Blackwell's picture

thanks, Xan, i needed that!

thanks, Xan, i needed that! thanks for rising to SR's defense! more! please, more! now that's what i call a concussion, i mean, discussion! :mrgreen:

Katie Liederman's picture

erin, this was wonderful.

erin, this was wonderful. such an interesting notion, romance being a drug used to escape from oneself.

lucia_2008's picture

Now that is a good

Now that is a good description!!!

Smile...life is good!!!

lmz's picture

FOR EACH AND EVERY OF YOU,

FOR EACH AND EVERY OF YOU, Velvet LADIES

a French tradition on labor day (i.e. on May, 1st here) is to offer this :
http://www.photo-paysage.com/albums/Fleurs-plantes/Fleurs-roses/normal_f...

it is supposed to bring good luck

love

Not2Taem's picture

Lilly of the Valley! Reminds

Lilly of the Valley! Reminds me of the cool New England woods. Laughing out loud

yonks's picture

Too bad, we can't smell it

Too bad, we can't smell it but thanks for the good luck

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Steph H's picture

Are you feeling better today

Are you feeling better today Yonks? I hope so.

yonks's picture

Yes thanks but i'm all in a

Yes thanks but i'm all in a sweat after having translate LMZ's song (don't know why)

It's gone and i have no excuses anymore for not going to work Sad

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

rovermom's picture

ya know - I believe Lindsey

ya know - I believe Lindsey and Samantha really love each other. I think "Hollywood" is killing Lindsey and inevitably it's killing Sam watch it kill the love of her life.

rovermom's picture

I wish we had a modify

I wish we had a modify button.

ya know - I believe Lindsey and Samantha really love each other. I think “Hollywood” is killing Lindsey, and inevitably, it’s killing Sam *to* watch it kill the love of her life.

yonks's picture

You'r such a romantic Rover

You'r such a romantic Rover

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Not2Taem's picture

Perfectionist Romantic.

Perfectionist Romantic. Cool

rovermom's picture

shit. Lindsay - not Lindsey.

shit.

Lindsay - not Lindsey.

yonks's picture

Perhaps love is a kind of

Perhaps love is a kind of wealth, the more you get the more you want, in one side, you start to grow a harem or put cupidon's harrow under his own throat: "make love rime with always" and in starvation, you only dreams how good it would be to just put your nose against a woman's neck and take a deep smell.

Maybe that romanticism only make sense in its birth context; on a time of sexual repression, the desire hit on the dam and find its way to leak everywhere, fertilizing all the lands around. Now, its not sexual repression anymore, its sexual oppression, desire is squeeze until the last drop to form a deadly rapid in the bottom of a huge crack surrounded by a desert.

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

cameo's picture

but unlike money, love is

but unlike money, love is infinite. the more love you give, the more love you receive. i love you yonks and i love you erin...[tap tap tap]...oh well.

Not2Taem's picture

Meet me in the hallway? ;)

Meet me in the hallway? Wink

cameo's picture

tell me which hallway and we

tell me which hallway and we can get in touch with each other and have passionate and exciting intercourse with each other about love. wait a minute, wait a minute, i know what all you dirty minds are thinking. you can't have intellectual intercourse when your mind is in the gutter. i know i've come at intercourse multiple times in many different ways now but i want to get it right. what i meant to say was we could have intercourse but only if love is involved. okay, i admit, bad choice of words. alright, i can't go wrong with this one: according to merriam webster, intercourse means an exchange of ideas NOT bodily fluids. i guess anytime you have vigorous intercourse with another person you're sliding down a very slippery slope, but it's worth the ride once you understand what it is.

Not2Taem's picture

LOL There is nothing dirty

LOL
There is nothing dirty about either kind of intercourse. And yes, it can be used that way, though we more commonly use discourse for the none physical interactions.

Straight ahead through the first juncture; left at the next; down 2 flights and you'll find me in the nook 'neath the stair. just talking eh? And you think you won't get wet? :twisted:

yonks's picture

"but unlike money, love is

"but unlike money, love is infinite. the more love you give, the more love you receive."

I love you too Cameo, but i don't know, love seems a pretty limited wealth, every body talk about it so how come there are so little in this world.

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

cameo's picture

if everyone took a moment and

if everyone took a moment and truly loved one's fellow human beings the world would be a much different place. Love is such a nebulous concept. What does it mean?

To me (and I can't speak for anybody else) love means respect, compassion, empathy, intimacy (not sex), thoughtfulness, patience, gentleness, kindness, encouragement, coueurage, maintaining a "self" (not becoming enmeshed with the other), celebrating the differences, and, in some relationships, touch and/or sex. There are probably 1000 other things I am leaving out so feel free to add to the list or subtract from the list if you disagree.

If we treated people in the manner stated above (the culmination of which I have called "love") the world would be a much different place, don't you think?

Steph H's picture

I like your definition of

I like your definition of love and I like to think that's how I love the people around me. But if I'm really honest I don't always (and more often than I'd like to admit) love in such a way. Or at least I haven't when I haven't loved myself.

cameo's picture

I certainly do not live up to

I certainly do not live up to the standard set forth in my definition. But now that I think about it, if we honestly strive to treat others in that way, and our efforts themselves help heal the world by benefiting others, can't our sincere efforts alone constitute love?

Steph H's picture

Absolutely!

Absolutely!

cameo's picture

You've been so conspicuously

You've been so conspicuously silent I'm a little bit worried. I know the census keeps you running.

You are never despicable or despised. The tricked, if such a person exists, is as culpable as the trickster. It's a reciprocal relationship even if it doesn't appear to be.

Everyone here loves and respects you. You are a very tender, sensitive, loving person. Sometimes you hide it with sarcasm and provocation but most sensitive people possess this quality to shield themselves. The provocation only further reiterates your vulnerability.

I know you must feel exposed bcs of your soulful candor but, honestly, that's the only writing worth reading.

Cameo

Erin Blackwell's picture

after wearing myself out

after wearing myself out commenting on the meghan mccain blog i reined myself in and wrote another blog instead.

lmz's picture

for you

for you Erin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omCe5u1UZVE

i will always love you

lmz's picture

lyrics UN PETIT POISSON, UN

lyrics

UN PETIT POISSON, UN PETIT OISEAU
Juliette Gréco
Paroles: J.M. Rivière
Musique: Gérard Bourgeois
1966

{Refrain:}
Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau
S'aimaient d'amour tendre
Mais comment s'y prendre
Quand on est dans l'eau
Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau
S'aimaient d'amour tendre
Mais comment s'y prendre
Quand on est là-haut

Quand on est là-haut
Perdu aux creux des nuages
On regarde en bas pour voir
Son amour qui nage
Et l'on voudrait bien changer
Au cours du voyage
Ses ailes en nageoires
Les arbres en plongeoir
Le ciel en baignoire

Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau
S'aimaient d'amour tendre
Mais comment s'y prendre
Quand on est là-haut
Un petit poisson, un petit oiseau
S'aimaient d'amour tendre
Mais comment s'y prendre
Quand on est dans l'eau

Quand on est dans l'eau
On veut que vienne l'orage
Qui apporterait du ciel
Bien plus qu'un message
Qui pourrait d'un coup changer
Au cours du voyage
Des plumes en écailles
Des ailes en chandail
Des algues en paille.

{au Refrain}

Erin Blackwell's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YabL7FqGy_I&feature=related

DESHABILLEZ-MOI
Juliette Gréco
Paroles: Robert Nyel
Musique: Gaby Verlor
1967

Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Oui, mais pas tout de suite, pas trop vite
Sachez me convoiter, me désirer, me captiver
Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Mais ne soyez pas comme tous les hommes, trop pressés.
Et d'abord, le regard
Tout le temps du prélude
Ne doit pas être rude, ni hagard
Dévorez-moi des yeux
Mais avec retenue
Pour que je m'habitue, peu à peu...

Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Oui, mais pas tout de suite, pas trop vite
Sachez m'hypnotiser, m'envelopper, me capturer
Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Avec délicatesse, en souplesse, et doigté
Choisissez bien vos mots
Dirigez bien vos gestes
Ni trop lents, ni trop lestes, sur ma peau
Voilà, ça y est, je suis
Frémissante et offerte
De votre main experte, allez-y...

Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Maintenant tout de suite, allez vite
Sachez me posséder, me consommer, me consumer
Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Conduisez-vous en homme
Soyez l'homme... Agissez!
Déshabillez-moi, déshabillez-moi
Et vous... déshabillez-vous!

lmz's picture

j'attendais cette réponse ...

j'attendais cette réponse ...

yonks's picture

J'aime bien la version de

J'aime bien la version de Mylène farmer.
j'adore cette chançon Smile

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

minniesota's picture

I love it when you guys talk

I love it when you guys talk French. Just wanted you to know. Smile

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

lmz's picture

Minnie A long time ago, i

Minnie

A long time ago, i met a girl who came from Duluth (i don't have to tell you where is Duluth, do I ?) I think she is the only American girl who can speak Gascon. (Gascon is a dialect from south west of France a few people talk today). A jewish Polish American girl from Duluth ! She could even translate Alienor d'Aquitaine's will. Great !

this one is for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GmgllYND2Q

minniesota's picture

LMZ, that is fascinating. I

LMZ, that is fascinating. I plan to visit Duluth again this summer. Merci for the youtube video.

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

lmz's picture

Wow! send me pictures of your

Wow! send me pictures of your trip, please. You certainly know that Duluth is Bob Dylan's home town. (i am a great fan of Minnesota children Wink)

yonks's picture

I feel some irony here so i

I feel some irony here so i will try to translate
*WARNING!!! its hazardous to read further*

UNDRESS ME

undress me, undress me
yea but not right now, not too quickly
try to covet me, desire me, captivate me

undress me, undress me
but don't be like some butches, too hurried
and first of all, the look
throughout the prelude
mustn't be rough neither haggard
devour me with your eyes but with restraint
for i can get use to it slowly

undress me, undress me
yea but not right now, not too quickly
try to hypnotize me, envelope me, capture me

undress me, undress me
carefully, with litheness, and skill
chooses your words carefully, control your movements
neither too slow, nor too light on my skin
O.K that's it, here i am, trembling and volunteer,
with your skillful hand, go ahead

undress me, undress me
NOW, RIGHT NOW
GO! quickly!
try to posses me, consummate me, consume me

undress me, undress me
behave like a top, be a top,
act!

undress me, undress me
and you.......... undress yourself

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

yonks's picture

(you can change the word man

(you can change the word man for Butch, its much better)
Smile

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

minniesota's picture

That helps, Yonks! :-)

That helps, Yonks! Smile

Still searching for the right brainy quote.

Erin Blackwell's picture

i have edit function so i

i have edit function so i changed man to butch but at another spot it really cried out for "top" so i put that. hope that's ok, PEPE :tistwed:

Erin Blackwell's picture

brava!

brava!

yonks's picture

Its for the translation or

Its for the translation or the song?

-Do not follow me, I'M LOST-

Erin Blackwell's picture

did you write the song?

did you write the song?

Xanadu's picture

*XANADU GETS SERIOUS* As a

*XANADU GETS SERIOUS*

As a fan and lover of Sam, I am naturally appalled at the things you said ...

If people would take the time to watch Samantha being interviewed (instead of making a judgement solely from tabloid photographs) they might actually 'get' what she's about - her personality and character ...

Samantha has taken so much flack (remarks about appearance and homophobic insinuations) from straight media and the online world, I am surprised she is still a sane person ...

I find myself constantly defending her online as they label her 'butch' and make comments about strap ons and her being 'the man' ... Perez Hilton (an effeminate gay man) who refers to her as SaMANtha, has basically led a hate campaign against her.

What if Samantha frequents VP? (a safe place) and sees herself referred to as a RODENT & a WEASEL? ... Why do we assume celebrity lesbian live's are so great, they don't need to come to sites like VP to find peace & solice? ... They can't possibly feel lonely and isolated, like us.

Maybe as Sam is a lesbian who's always been OUT (and has never made a big deal about her sexuality) - her feelings don't count?

*Is there an emoticon for "grr"?