Kelly Picks a Fight: Karma Chameleons
As you guys well know, I'm a seeker with a solid spiritual path and daily practices. I believe in reincarnation and karma and dharma and all that is encompassed within the Yogic and Taoist traditions, with a smattering of Native American philosophy, as well. Based on that, it is my understanding that we have certain samskaras which are imprints left on the subconscious mind by past experiences, both in this life and others. They are the programs running in the background that keep bringing up the same lessons over and again until we learn what we must to overcome our accumulated karma on our way to the ground zero of liberation.
It has been obvious to me for quite some time that one of my samskaras is related to money, the details of which may or may not be exoteric, but I'll share nonetheless. I grew up lower middle class and have never been able to rise much past that despite palling around with celebrities and rock stars. (Cultural terrorists, at worst.) My financial deportment is quite frugal and practical, while also aiming for generous. I'm not attached to material possessions, although I do enjoy getting new things just for the sake of change. I can actually get revved up over a new toothbrush. I'm really pretty easy in that regard and think I have a pretty good handle on the whole situation.
So, then, it's a wonder why I battle these cash-centric karma chameleons on such a regular basis. Blame my sensitive Pisces moon, but I have been known to cry over particularly stupid and wasteful spendings such as a parking ticket. For the better part of this year I finally felt like I was getting ahead, living comfortably, but reasonably, taking care of my health, even saving a little. But then starting about a month ago, I got hit with a big batch of 'pay me.' It seems like these little devils have been saving up their accountings for an ambush. First, my tax guy delivered a massive blow based in the reality of being an independent contractor. Second, my dog had to have surgery which is insanely expensive. Third, I got slapped with two truly ridiculous cancellation fees – one on my cell phone contract and the other for a place I was going to rent in Santa Fe. (I'm battling both of them because I don't think $150 is a fair penalty when I only had one month remaining and thought I would just have to pay that month's service. And a 25% cancellation on the Santa Fe place is totally ridiculous... to the tune of $900.)
Anyway, faced with all of these expenses and the current economic crisis, I kicked into my frugal/practical side and decided to sell most of my stuff, get a cheap place to live and be an ascetic for a while in order to shore up my own economy. Seemed like a grand plan and I was pretty excited about finally getting in front of the eight ball. Then, as you may have heard, I got laid off from my job. Curses! Foiled again by those little karmic bitches I created in some past life and can't seem to shake. Damn it all to hell, I say.
Except the difference – and maybe this is the learning – is that I didn't collapse in a puddle of tears; I didn't freak out in any way. I went with the whole “This too shall pass” and “Is that so?” idea of impermanence and non-attachment to this little play of maya that we call reality that isn't at all real. So, while those chameleons are shape shifting in order to pin me to the mat, I'm staying light on my feet and, so far, am still upright.
Comments [28]
I have been transformed into
I have been transformed into a "spam", what do I have to do doctor?
As an astrologer with some
As an astrologer with some basic training in past life regression, samskaras can be linked in the natal chart to South Node issues (past, karma, default pathology) and to Pluto (obsession, soul work, transformation, death and rebirth) and Saturn (time, consequences, reap what you sow). The fact that you now handling your "issues" in a graceful manner points to a healing and transcendence of some old programs.
In astrology, our destiny and future are linked to the North Node, a dharmic point in the chart and exactly opposite your South Node karma degree--meaning, if your South Node is in Taurus, your North Node is in Scorpio. If the issue in this lifetime is lack of material resources, there may be stories around greed or disregard for material matters in the past. Likewise, it could mean many lifetimes of poverty and one more chance to figure out "the joke" around values. Of course, everything is on a continuum, so the issue, whether it be about power, money, dependency, faith, will and can be played out in many different ways over a series of lifetimes.
The point to get to in all of our cases, which basically from a nodal standpoint can be metaphorically linked to the seven deadly sins, is balance and the place of NO CHARGE.
Obviously, as an astro geek, I'd love to see what your personal history is as revealed in the natal chart. But this is just one of many languages to approach the story and provide the meaning of life which you've deftly handled with strength and intelligence.
Lastly, I have to qualify the above comments, which have to do with personal karma, and reconcile them with the current GLOBAL karmic circumstances. Our human values have been out of sync for quite some time, justified by patriarchal power plays, and mother earth and the feminine energy have taken quite a beating. Our planet will need to readjust to a new era of co-equal relationships and "enlightened consumerism".
So some of our personal stories must still be seen as played against a backdrop of the upcoming economic tsunami that will obliterate the current reality construct and create a new more conscientious and responsible system in its place.
And btw, my South Node is in Taurus, so this is a familiar story!
"Life teaches us what we need
"Life teaches us what we need to learn". That's my philosophy I guess. And the reality of situations is never as bad as how we imagine they are to be.
Great to hear things are going well since you came out - I think as long as we are living life as our authentic selves, anything is possible.
Steph
Hey Kelly - thanks for your
Hey Kelly - thanks for your note on the OC - it's great to be reading your blogs again. I love what you write about, but also the the way you write too.
Steph
x
Carrie, cool to know your
Carrie, cool to know your name now!
You're not banned darlin'. They've been doing a lot of work on the site and sometimes things aren't posting right away or at all, it's happened to me, I even had the dreaded double-post, no worries. I liked what you wrote to Kelly. Peace & Love 
I wrote you a long winded
I wrote you a long winded comment and arrrrrgh it never got submitted!
am I banned from talking?
am I banned from talking?
The light is on Kel. I feel
The light is on Kel.
I feel you, and know what this place could be. I'm all for it. I really think that this is what has needed to happen in order for the next step to happen, which had started on OC. A movement - but so much more then that.
Some people might have hated my statements, but I say it with optimism and love of everyone and for a real chance of something even bigger to take place, for all of us. Something deeper and more then we could have ever have hoped or realize could be. And I want it with peace.
Like you, I am in tune with my path, or try to be - it's my religion, and yet, I encompass and take in multiple religions to help understand and to help better relate to my own path.
today I was taking a look at Jainism.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jainism
I'm kind of thrown at a notion of part of the sect was actually suppressing women as not being able to fully encompass this, but I think that is a fear and a fault within that sect. I think it's a fear within many religions - and a fault of them all.
I'm going to quote a passage from Pravachansara, a Jain scripture
"The great Jinas say that portions of Karmas are necessarily operating (and giving their fruit); he, who is infatuated with, or shows attachment or aversion towards, them, necessarily incurs bondage (of Karmas)."
http://www.jainworld.com/book/pravachansara/index.htm
I think most religions have familiarities within them and walking through them and exploring their words and scriptures can help in attaining "god-conscious".
I think I know you, Kelly - maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually.
I know this is another learning point and sort of welcomed. It is in change that we grow.
love,
Carrie
Hey, Kelly, how close are you
Hey, Kelly, how close are you to getting that "green" motor home completed? I'm ready for a road trip!
Traveling for love,
Tex
@kdhales
I so appreciate the
I so appreciate the outpouring and offers. It's funny because I actually wrote this blog from a place of feeling solid, even though there are challenges. I'm not to the point of needing to crash in anyone's extra room, but I'm a gypsy, so leave a light on just in case.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Kelly, this is the first time
Kelly, this is the first time I've dreamt about someone's blog. Your situation represents so many people's realities right now. Your writing brought it up close and personal. Private contractors don't get unemployment benefits, right? The safety nets are the people who love you. I'm with Taem on this one. You have sisters all over the country who could make room for you, many of us here. My dream helped me feel the pain of displacement, especially for lezzies where moving in with our families of origin is out of the question. Those of us with (fairly secure) housing and an extra room may be want to open our homes to those around us who need some help. Others may have to ask for it, even if we've been fiercely independent all our lives. Ultimately, I think it's about love, more opportunities to learn about that and act out of it.
Lezbeth
Kelly....as one iwho is
Kelly....as one iwho is undergoing transitions now beyond my control, I understand what you mean bout "the kamic bitches", but I also agree with Tex, that they are just a small force to be reckoned with and your Karma stream, though temporarily diverted will flow full force again.
Feel free to climb aboard the Lesbian Life boat....where hope floats!
Peace
Tesser
"What you fear, you create"
"What you fear, you create" ...
I've found this saying to be very true.
As someone who used to fear simple everyday situations (having social anxiety), I've realised life will keep putting you in situations and confront you with whatever your 'issue' is, until you deal with it and learn the lesson.
"This too shall pass" (and a deep breath) - has basically got me through the last ten years!
I have to say since I came out on April 16 (my 34th birthday) - life has been pretty sweet and I'm not being confronted by 'the Gods' nearly as often!
“Foiled again by those little
“Foiled again by those little karmic bitches I created in some past life and can’t seem to shake.”
Good karma begets good karma. Kelly, you have and are creating good karma at every turn - the environmental good you profess and live, your Circle Back Music music endeavor, your loyalty to your friends, and super mom to the pooch (to name but a few). It’s the energy from that karma that’s keeping you “upright and light on your feet.” Besides your own self created karma, you’re receiving good karma from all of us - all of your friends. Those karmic bitches of your past that you mention don’t stand a chance with you - we all have a say in that.......on many levels.
Nothing but love
Tex
@kdhales
Kelly, I've been known to
Kelly,
I've been known to eat cow now and then, and I'm not much of a housekeeper, but there's always room on the futon couch, organic milk in the fridge, and sage on the porch. I've known lean times myself and looking back wish I had had the strength to let friends help me through. At least working in the world of the net you have options on location.
Have you looked into finding someone to replace you on the rental? If you can provide them with another tenant, you should be able to avoid the penalty altogether.
Remember to rest in the sun now and then, Lady Chameleon,
Tae
Kelly ..... I can feel your
Kelly ..... I can feel your spirit and your truth, thru your words. You are an amazingly contemplative woman, and for that we all benefit.
Thank you for ruminating on a subject that touches all of us, and sharing it..... I'm glad that we found our way here Kelly, and from here... it is upward my friend.
Life is Good....
Love is Awesome....
LBDL
Whew Kelly, you write about
Whew Kelly, you write about this in a way we can all relate to, but clearly, you're facing a challenging time. I think getting spiritual and philosophical about it is important...it helps put the picture into a bigger frame, we can look back and say, well, okay, I've been here before, it feels pretty sucky and I'll find my way.
I consider myself a deeply spiritual, reflective person, yet, I'm beginning to avoid that chasing down the karma idea, thinking if I just get it right THIS time... I'm beginning to believe that chasing that chameleon is like being a cat in a garbage can, trying to pee in the corner. At the time of distress, the lofty, karma contemplation thing doesn't do anything for me. It's just about clawing myself out of the damn can.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Great blog, Kelly. :)
Great blog, Kelly.
Oh, Kelly! I really know what
Oh, Kelly! I really know what you're talking about: this year, all my ghosts have come to haunt me.
I am also a freelance, and my workload has literally dropped to zero. I have tried to find a job, but with the current situation, most job opportunities have vanished (in one case, after successfully passing all interviews, the company decided to put the role "on hold"). I am running out of money (I'll have around 200 Euros in my bank account once the November bills are paid), and I still don't know what I will do with my life, not even in the short term.
In the love department, things are not doing any better. I know I am such a complex person that it's hard for people to take me as I am. I have learned to be a loner at heart, and to be honest, I don't even try to find any love interest anymore.
At the beginning, as the truth of my situation was unfolding, I felt sad and depressed. Now I understand that, in the big scheme of things, circumstances may not be a excuse to let my demons take control of my life, and that all that is happening is just a "test", a big crash to let me learn certain things I didn't learn before, when I had a chance to do it smoothly. I'm fine with it. If I still have a chance, I'll learn my lesson.
Anyway, I'm still here, trying to share the best of me, giving only affection where affection is needed, and being thankful for the life I have lived, for all the lessons learned, for all the blessings received and for all my mistakes (for they have made me be who I am now). I am not afraid, I won't give up. Whatever may happen with me, I just know one thing for sure: I'll be the same, I'll stay true with myself and I will try to give only the best of me.
In the long run, all we can aspire to do is keeping always in touch with our true feelings and doing always the best we can. If something good remains, I guess our humble existence's mission will be accomplished, no matter how many lessons are still left to learn or how many other lives we may still need to live to get to that "liberation" point you mention.
Your friend,
Cris
Hahahaha, Kelly. Good one
Hahahaha, Kelly. Good one about the cheeseburgers and pork tamales. Imma go eat an apple now to make up for my sins.
Civility is not a sign of weakness.
Hey Minnie, I would imagine
Hey Minnie,
I would imagine you'd HAVE to hope for "this too shall pass" with all those cheeseburgers and pork tamales...
To everyone else, thanks for the support. I actually feel really good about where I am. I think we're going to rock this Velvetpark thing which will ultimately be much better than having a corporate overlord.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Fastgurrrl , I agree with
Fastgurrrl , I agree with what Kelly commented, "Just having that awareness of a habitual behavior starts to diffuse it." Baby steps. When you find the will, tell your ex how you feel about this. It sounds like she deserves this honesty and you'll both benefit from your being open. Then maybe you both can move on.
That's just my 2 cents. It doesn't hurt to be compassionate and bring some good karma your way.
I wish you peace.
-Angie
Without passion I do not exist.
Kelly, I feel for you going
Kelly, I feel for you going through the financial evils. From your blogs, you come across as a very in-tuned person, compassionate and intelligent, From what I can tell in this particular blog, you know you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. This sucks that you're going through this and I can totally relate because I'm going through some financial woes, myself. I wish you good vibes and things will look up for you. They always seem to do for people with good karma. I believe that from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for enlightening us with your thoughts and educating us on spirituality.
Peace,
Angie
Without passion I do not exist.
Kelly, I'm not very spiritual
Kelly, I'm not very spiritual but in dealing with earthly events, I have learned the wisdom of "this too shall pass" and that often we can "get by with a little help from our friends." Take care and sending you good energy.
Civility is not a sign of weakness.
Hi Kelly, really enjoyed your
Hi Kelly, really enjoyed your post. The main focus in my life is my spiritual path and inner being, so I was delighted to see such a post here. I'm into a whole variety of approaches, eg, Abraham-Hicks, Gary Renard, Byron Katie to name a few and also really felt the value of the film 'What the Bleep do we know'. If you haven't seen it, I thinkit's worth a look. All of it really helps me in a practical way in my life, glad to hear it helps you too. Hope...x
Thinking is what it takes and
Thinking is what it takes and we all have something (or several things) that we battle. And if the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, you're on your way. Just having that awareness of a habitual behavior starts to diffuse it. That's why my responses to the situations were not emotional this go around. My hope is that I've now broken my pattern. Perhaps now that you're stepping up to your asshole-ness, you won't be next time.
Won't you be my neighbor? @theKELword
Good morning, Kelly. :) I
Good morning, Kelly.
I enjoyed reading this and I appreciate your sharing! I have a hard time with the whole "spirituality" thing. It's basically confusing and an unknown to me. The closest I get to meditating is doing my stretching every morning. It's basically my quiet/still time where I stay in tune with by shell. Even then, I'm not really able to quiet my mind. I think I have some sort of disconnect with my spiritual side.
"...programs running in the background that keep bringing up the same lessons over and again until we learn what we must to overcome our accumulated karma on our way to the ground zero of liberation."
My Mom always said to us growing up, "What you resist persists." I have seen this to be true over my lifetime.
I realized something big this year, particularly over the last few months. It wasn't easy to accept, it's not easy to admit. I'm a friendly, loving person, but I have a nasty pattern of driving people away from me, or cutting them off or out of my life, like the flip of a light switch. I know this is a defensive (fear) thing I'm doing to protect myself, but I have ended up confusing and hurting people, and really, hurting myself more. I had a genuinely sweet (and very spiritual) girl who loved me and I tried to drive her away, again and again. I think I have hard time believing that someone really loves me, and I won't go into childhood stuff that I think is related to this. I put the cherry on my shit sundae just before our 5th anniversary by breaking up with her. We are "friendly" but I can tell she doesn't want much to do with me right now, and who can fucking blame her. I didn't realize I was such an asshole. I'm really embarrassed about it and I've been suffering thinking of how many ways I did not treat her right, and she did not deserve that. I never intended to do it, but I did it, and it's an awful feeling realizing it.
Breaking this fucked up pattern is the most important thing to me.
Sorry so long, but ya got me thinking.
yes, we could all use a
yes, we could all use a lesson in that. go with the flow, etc. either that or stop buying 500 dollar toothbrushes... ; )