Happy Easter, everyone. I know I wanted to celebrate the day babies look for chocolate eggs in the bushes by watching the season finale — with my mom. Yup, that’s right folks — I watched this episode at my childhood home with my mom sitting next to me. THE WHOLE TIME. She just wouldn’t let me leave, something about spending quality time together as a family or something. And I had thought the show was gonna be crazy!

Lez Girlz, at the helm of their gross and hideous new director Adele, has gotten major distribution- the only hiccup? Lesbians aren’t relate-able enough and they want the movie’s ending to change. Apparently a lesbian film only works if the girl goes back to the boy in the end. What!?

Tina and Bette are discussing their lives, and living situations, while sitting through the ONE thing all Los Angelians can relate to: traffic! Maybe the movie should end like that instead?

Helena’s Mummy arrives on a stretcher on the top of a building with her assistant IRIS in tow! Coincidence? I hope not. Apparently, Mrs. Peabody is dying from a crazy ass jellyfish sting. I guess that a little poison was all Mrs. Peabody needed to begin to be a good mother. Giving advice and showing some actual maternal feeling, when she suggests that Helena buy The Planet, and SheBar. Throw the money around, H, flannel in no way suits you. Sides- what’s else is money for, if not to bail out your friends in tight spots.

Shane seems to have fallen for this one, hook, line, and sinker ladies — exploring her newfound passion for photography by snapping some shots of Molly, before ruining some good ol’ morning wood, by reminding Molly that they have breakfast plans with Phyllis. FUN. Just what I want to talk about while naked with my girlfriend: My mom. *Who just looked over my shoulder and wants everyone to know — that she doesn’t want me to talk about her while I’m naked either.* Thanks, Mom.

Breakfast turns out to be an ambush double date with Phyllis and Joyce guiling Molly about the Supreme Court internship. Looks like Phyllis isn’t taking Molly’s new life choices lightly… careful Shane — I don’t see the vice chancellor of a University giving up easy.

Alice and Tasha are making coffee and silent awkwardness instead of sweet sweet love in the morning either… then Tasha quit her job and then invites Alice to the Pier to have lunch with Tasha’s cop friends ( who ask for Alice’s autograph). Too bad Alice can’t stay and watch her boo get inspired by all that the LAPD has to offer- Al’s got other plans… like going on a pseudo date with the scooter riding fashion designer — who she almost kisses! (Put head in hands and shake. Repeat).

Jenny seems to handling her unemployment well enough, drinking caffeine with Tina and missing her slut coward ex-girlfriend. I don’t know, but if I had been dropped by my agents and my career had been blindsided by the MAC truck of destruction and horror that was my ex-assistant… I wouldn’t be calm and centered and ordering lattes. I’d be sitting on my couch eating hot pockets and rasinettes while downing Stoli and Diet Coke. But hey, that’s probably just me. Good to know you’re growing Jen!

If I haven’t made it clear enough by now, I HATE ADELE. Who we next see throwing Tina off her own set. Real classy there. I just have one thing to say to you- Miss Adele. My mom has only watched one episode of this show. Ever. And in the five min of watching you- even she hates you. You inspire hatred from women who sew curtains and makes rice pudding!!! How does that feel? Huh?

Bette and Tina are being SUPER cute this episode. I LOVE IT. They’re supporting each other and listening to each other, and making out. And just when you think the writers decided to let B and T get along without any bumps this episode- Bette drops the bomb about wanting another baby. Jeez, Bette you haven’t even moved back in together and you’re already planning more babies?

Helena and Lover Cindi meet up at She Bar, where Helena discusses a proposition for LoverCindi’s eyes only. OH MY! I wonder, I wonder what that proposition could be.

At Jodi’s big art exhibit, so many things hit the fan. First, Shane and Phyllis have a nice heart to heart. Seems Shane isn’t good enough for Little Miss Molly. Phyllis claims that “even Shane’s friends think that she’s bad news”. What are you gonna do, Shane? What are you going to do… Oh, and then Jodi totally snubs Bette in person anyway ’cause Jodi’s art piece turns out to be a whole lot of I hate Bette projected all over the walls screaming “fuck me” and “I love you”…well I guess that’s what happens when you fuck an artist. The tortured soul only knows how to purge. And purge Jodi did, alright. Lets hope she’s got it out of her system.

Back at SheBar, Dumb bitch Denbo FINALLY gets what she deserves. A good slap in the proverbial face. Helena followed her sick mummy’s advice, and bought those two properties after all… with the help of Cindi Annabell Tucker. Who knew!? Zebra’s do change their stripes. And lovers do deserve respect after all. Nicely done Miss Peabody. Nice to have you back.

Shane. I know you’re fiction, and you can’t listen to me. But if you were real, I would tell you- that you HAVE to stop fucking around. I know you’re scared. And when someone flies up the coast, and stands up to her mother and then, even when you break up with them- they still treat you with dignity and compassion- you need to wake up and smell the real deal. Even if she does come in a slightly snooty, newly out, and prim package. Yes, Shane. Even then.

We end this season in bed. Where we belong. Learning to let go. And at a party, greeting old friends, and wrapping things up.

But, not before I mention one little tiny thing: JENNY CRASHES the cast party! And delivers a kickin speech about loyalty and compassion, and being madly in love with Nikki ( whose out on the pagoda rabidly fucking Shane). Jenny then catches them. And the friendship is over. Or is it? I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out next season. See you next season, ladies. Oh, and my mom said “Happy Easter.”